


Blooming

by taekwoncheeks



Series: Blooming [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Denial of Feelings, Drama, Dysfunctional Relationships, Friends to Lovers, Hongbin might be a jerk in this one, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, fast burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21525697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekwoncheeks/pseuds/taekwoncheeks
Summary: The way Sanghyuk holds Jaehwan like they’re together, it’s just a little bit too much. This is not how things are supposed to be though. In fact, Sanghyuk was never meant to be a one night stand that night. None of this is going to plan. Yet, Jaehwan can’t bring himself to stop it. In actuality, he wants more, to indulge himself a little further, just for tonight.A story of Jaehwan wanting what he can't have and ignoring what he needs.
Relationships: Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk/Lee Jaehwan | Ken, Jung Taekwoon | Leo/Kim Wonshik | Ravi, Lee Hongbin/Lee Jaehwan | Ken
Series: Blooming [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/923517
Comments: 13
Kudos: 28





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> This work is currently being beta'd but I'm impatient so there will be an update later.

Another Saturday night and Jaehwan’s heavy sneaker-clad feet thud against the concrete sidewalk as he steps out of his Uber. His denim jacket weighs heavy on his shoulders yet again as he looks up at the frat house in front of him. Little cliques have congregated around the front yard, smoke wafting from lit papers between their fingers as they stand there completely unbothered. The exact level of unbothered Jaehwan wishes he could achieve in his own clique.

Jaehwan’s eyes hit the ground as he squeezes his way past their bodies. It’s as though he can feel the heat of their eyes on him. Their conversations amplify in his head, little glimpses of their lives apparent to him for a split second. Things he could never relate to, almost intimidating, but he wants a piece of it. That’s why he’s here after all.

Inside the house is the full picture of the tiny preview he saw outside. He coughs at the stench and tries to pass it off as a slight tickle in his throat though nobody’s looking at him.

Soon, the rhythmic beat playing through the Bluetooth speakers nestled in the corners of the living room flow through him. His head nods along but all he can do is nod his head. Every other inch of him feels uncomfortable even though he wants to be here; he  _ chose _ to be here.

It’s only here that he feels he can truly find himself. It must be. He can’t be two people at once. To be who he wants to be, he must leave his old self at the door. He takes a couple of deep breaths through his nose as he continues walking through the house.

His feet take him to the kitchen where he sees a kid mixing up some drinks and going ham with the tequila. He waits for the guy to finish with his personal concoction and grabs a red cup, partially filling it up with vodka and orange juice. He throws the cup to the back of his head like a shot and hisses at the burn.

“Ack, another,” Jaehwan grunts to himself and mixes the drink again. He sips it a bit slower, yet still now slow. The liquor burns again but the initial pain is gone, replaced by the heat he can get used to.

The liquor swishes in the cup as he chases the beat of the song back to the living room. His head picks up where he left off, but his hands dangle awkwardly and his feet frozen on the floor. What exactly is he supposed to do with his hands again? Whenever he moves his feet, he feels like he’s stomping the life out of the song.

The women in the room have whatever it is down packed, swaying their hips against their partners as their fingers dance in the air and their hair. All the men stand there, holding them close and ogling their bodies. None of it explains how he’s supposed to dance with himself and enjoy the music. And he’ll be damned if he has to resort to fist-pumping.

Something about dancing, the graceful movements, how it shows the beauty and confidence in a person is what he strives for. The little bit of vodka in his system helps but it’s doesn’t bring him where he wants to be. Where he can be alone with himself but doesn’t have to succumb to the thoughts of tomorrow or home or his gangly limbs.

He’s not going to think about those things. He came here specifically to forget about those things no matter what it takes. It’s in the darkness of whatever party that envelops him is where he can truly let go. The splashes of color and stench of sweat around him, slowly it all accepts him as his stomach warms up from the burn within. In the heat of the crowd, the apprehension within him sweats out through his pores, turning into glitter against his skin. He becomes pure from the cleanse, letting himself open up.

His spot in the middle of the living room becomes cemented in place and the dust shakes off his body. Just like every other weekend night, his hips slowly adjust to the music in his too-tight jeans that skillfully don’t deflate his ass. The basic white t-shirt that fell like a box on his body suddenly shines as a pièce de résistance against his frame.

Those whose eyes wandered past him now see him, see what he can be. And somebody who once saw him becomes a familiar sight in the living room crowded with strangers. Sanghyuk, the guy who took his virginity. A surprise to see him here, but a surprise that Jaehwan gladly welcomes. The freshman, or sophomore, or whatever he could be, must have the same thoughts as he smiles at him with a beer in hand. Not the type of smile where one would presume that they had sex together weeks ago, but that maybe they had Friday afternoon classes together.

“Hey, rooftop fuck!” Jaehwan shouts unabashed at Sanghyuk over the music before approaching him.

Sanghyuk bursts out a short bit of laughter, covering his mouth with his empty hand as Jaehwan welcomes himself in the man’s personal space. “Hey to you too, slutty virgin,” he says in a much more sensible voice.

“I’m not a virgin anymore, remember?” Jaehwan shoots him a greasy wink and nudges Sanghyuk’s side with his elbow.

“Geez, well how could I not?” Sanghyuk snickers and takes a swig of his beer. The swig is much too calculated, and it is then that Jaehwan is sure that Sanghyuk is a freshman. “So if I remember correctly, you had a mission to fuck the most boring guy in the world. How’s that going?”

“Your memory serves you right, but, um I didn’t really wanna talk about that.”

“You should really just forget that soggy piece of bread,” Sanghyuk interjects.

“It’s… it’s more to it than that,” Jaehwan says, more to himself than to Sanghyuk. He reaches for Sanghyuk’s beer with his free hand only to be slapped on the wrist. “It’s more about me than anything.”

“No, no. It’s that sack of flour. Honestly, he’s a piece of shit if he doesn’t want you,” Sanghyuk states and finishes off his drink before Jaehwan could try to steal it again.

“I’m sorry-are you hungry or something?”

“Yes, and the food selection here sucks.”

“Is that really a surprise?”

“Hey,” Sanghyuk chimes, “You know what you should do instead of thinking about him?” Sanghyuk asks as he sets the empty bottle down on the bookshelf behind him, decorated with other beer bottles.

“No, in fact, I don’t know,” Jaehwan answers though his eyebrow is cocked with curiosity.

“Dance with me.”

Jaehwan’s lips press into a thin smile-how could he possibly say no to such a demand. Just as he’s about to say so, Sanghyuk grabs him by the hand and twirls him around like an overly extravagant gesture.

“Hey! You’re gonna fucking-make me spill my cup,” Jaehwan laughs as Sanghyuk lets go of his hand to pump his fist beside his chest. Jaehwan’s cheeks puff up from reserved laughter at the boy band-esque dance move.

“See, I knew it,” Sanghyuk says.

“Knew what?”

“I saw it when you walked through that door and I barely recognized you.”

“Saw what?”

“You’re so fucking tense! You have to loosen up, you know?” Sanghyuk stops the pumping to give Jaehwan a small shake with his shoulders.

“I’m not tense. I mean, I just got here, you gotta give me a chance to warm up to the atmosphere,” Jaehwan says, eyes tipping downward.

“Warm up, huh?” Sanghyuk lulls, pulling a smile from Jaehwan’s lips as he hooks his fingers through Jaehwan’s belt loops and pulls the man’s hips against his. “How’s this for warming up?”

Instinctively, against his will, in fact, Jaehwan nuzzles his chin against the heat of Sanghyuk’s shoulder. “Cheesy bastard,” he whispers, hating how natural it feels.

Sanghyuk’s larger, much larger—almost impossibly too large for Sanghyuk to be the geek that he is—frame fits nicely against the slight curves of Jaehwan’s body. Just for a second, Jaehwan lets himself wonder if perhaps… Sanghyuk was sculpted in a way by some divine being to fit snugly around him like a warm glove.

His mind moves to the gradually increasing pulse that’s drumming against his ears in alignment with the bass of the rap song playing around them. Or maybe it was just Sanghyuk’s rapid pulse. Jaehwan can’t differentiate between their two bodies, but whoever it belongs to, he lets it carry his hips through the rhythm of the music, mirror what he saw earlier.

Sanghyuk’s firm grasp on his petite waist and his beer-laced breath—though Jaehwan smells something fruity as well—is enough to intoxicate him. The hand the traces along Jaehwan’s spine fills his belly with the same wave of warmth his vodka gave him that’s now long gone. Jaehwan only indulges himself more as he splays his hands onto Sanghyuk’s broad back protruding through his black sweatshirt.

In response, Sanghyuk holds him by his hips, keeping him against his body as if he might float away at any second. Even still, no more how tightly Sanghyuk holds him like he needs nobody else in this moment, he sways gently with Jaehwan, almost timidly, in his arms as though Jaehwan is a fragile porcelain doll. He might as well be.

The way Sanghyuk holds Jaehwan, like they’re together, it’s just a little bit too much. This is not how things are supposed to be though. In fact, Sanghyuk was never meant to be a one night stand that night. None of this is going to plan. Yet, Jaehwan can’t bring himself to stop it. In actuality, he wants more, to indulge himself a little further, just for tonight.

“Hey,” Jaehwan breathes into Sanghyuk’s ear. In return, Sanghyuk pulls away from his body and raises his eyebrows at him. “Where’s all…  _ this _ coming from?” Jaehwan asks, gesturing to the haze they’re in.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“The weed, Sanghyuk, the weed. I know somebody must be selling it in this house, you can’t tell me they’re not,” Jaehwan says pointedly in a hushed whisper.

“Huh, you actually remembered my name. Really thought I was just ‘rooftop fuck’ there for a second.”

“Of course I remembered your name, why wouldn’t I?”

“No, you’re totally right. The way I had you screaming my name that night, how could you forget.”

Impulsively, Jaehwan slaps Sanghyuk’s chest and ignores the thudding pain he now feels in his palm. “I did not scream!”

“Sure you didn’t. Anyways, you were looking for the good ole Mary-Joo-Anna, right? Honestly, I think somebody’s selling it upstairs. I’ve seen people come from upstairs with blunts and baggies and shit.”

“Buy it for me?” Jaehwan asks, looking up at him and hoping the white and honey browns of his eyes make it through the dark to Sanghyuk.

“Um, I’m so sure if you never would’ve found me that you would’ve paid for it yourself,” Sanghyuk says, curling his lips to hold back a smile, “Unless you were planning on meeting some poor sap and flirting your way into getting him to buy it.”

“Well-”

“Also, I’m helping you find it and this is the thanks I get? Tsk, come on,” Sanghyuk chuckles and grabs Jaehwan’s hand to lead him through the house.

Sure enough, the man Jaehwan wanted to find is poorly hidden in one of the bedrooms along with presumably his customers, or maybe just his friends. He didn’t really know who he expected to find, maybe a man with face and knuckle tattoos, a scraggly beard that looks like it hasn’t been washed in months, and dirty fingernails. But… it’s just some student in a black hoodie and clean-faced. Yet, Jaehwan still stands there awkwardly in the door frame, gawking at the man as if he’s going to bite him. When his feet refuse to move, he nudges Sanghyuk with his elbow hoping he gets the hint to buy it for him.

“Nah, no, you’re not about to make me do this for you. You wanted to do it so  _ you’re _ going to do it,” Sanghyuk says and grabs Jaehwan by the biceps to bring him over to the man who’s now peering up at the both of them.

“What do you want?” he says, voice not as deep as Jaehwan thought it would be.

“Um… I’d like one uh… one joint please?” In the corner of Jaehwan’s vision, he can see Sanghyuk covering his face.

“I-Ha, dude what?” the guy questions behind a smirk as the rest of his friends start giggling beside him.

“Jae, this isn’t a McDonald’s. You know what-” Sanghyuk takes out his wallet and raises an eyebrow at the man, “How much for a joint?”

“Five dollars.”

Sanghyuk fishes in his wallet for the five and shoves his wallet back in his pants pocket as he hands the bill to the dealer.

“Thank you, here’s your order,” he snickers as he glances at Jaehwan and hands Sanghyuk the pre-rolled joint. “Come again.”

“Come on,” Jaehwan asserts, taking Sanghyuk by the elbow and dragging him out of the room. “So… what do we do now?”

“Jae-” Sanghyuk interrupts.

“No! Not like that, I’m not that dumb. I mean, do you have a lighter? ‘Cause I don’t.”

“Oh, well my friend is here, and he smokes so let’s just find him.”

“Cool, let’s do that,” Jaehwan says and Sanghyuk can’t do anything but chuckle.

The two walk back down the stairs, shuffling through the bodies are they make their way back into the main location of the party. “I believe…he was over here,” Sanghyuk comments. “Ah, there he is,” Sanghyuk points over the crowd, being able to love over the people’s heads with ease.

“Aye, Wonshik!” Sanghyuk calls out over the music to get his friend’s attention. The Wonshik person looks back at him as if surprised by the voice then waves Sanghyuk over.

Jaehwan and Sanghyuk make their way to Wonshik who’s leaning back against the wall with a red cup in his hand. Even though he welcomes Sanghyuk with a smile and wave, his heavy eyes settle on Jaehwan. The intensity of the brooding eyes makes Jaehwan want to cower behind Sanghyuk and let him do the talking  _ again _ , especially with Wonshik’s noodle and pale companion glaring at the rest of the part. But no, Jaehwan won’t let himself recoil in front of Sanghyuk’s friend.

“Where’d you go?” Wonshik speaks up as the noodle leans his head on Wonshik’s shoulder.

“We need to borrow your lighter,” Sanghyuk says as he holds up the joint.

“Man are you for real? How long have I been trying to get you to try a hit with me?” Wonshik comments with a laugh, giving a small glance towards Jaehwan as he reaches into his leather jacket pocket to take out a fluorescent purple lighter.

“I don’t know what to tell you, dude,” Sanghyuk laughs and takes the lighter, quickly waving the flame over the end of the joint before handing it back to Wonshik.

“So, who’s your friend that you’d rather smoke with?”

“Jaehwan,” Jaehwan states, interjecting himself into the conversation. He steps up to Wonshik as he takes the weed from Sanghyuk’s fingers.

“Hmm, nice to meet you Jaehwan. I’m Wonshik, and this”—Wonshik nudges the man off his shoulder— “is Taekwoon. Taekwoon doesn’t like parties so don’t mind him, he’s grumpy.”

“So... why is Taekwoon here?” Jaehwan asks, not exactly sure why they’re talking like the man can’t hear them.

“Because Wonshik wanted to come,” the noodle now known as Taekwoon says. Jaehwan looks up at him with big eyes, almost surprised that he can hear them and that his voice unexpectedly sounds light and fluttery.

All Jaehwan can do is nod his head, not understand why Wonshik wanting to come to a party means Taekwoon had to come as well. Oh well, it’s none of his business anyway. His business instead, is taking the first puff of weed just casually hanging between his fingers.

“Okay, I thought you actually wanted to, you know,  _ smoke it _ , but if not, just give it back to me,” Sanghyuk says as he reaches to take it back.

“No, no, I was just about to,” Jaehwan says. He eyes the joint in between his fingers, rolling his wrist to observe it from all angles. He wanted to do this, still does, so he’s going to do it. Even if the glare from Taekwoon’s eyes heat up his face—which necessarily doesn’t mean much since he’s glaring at everybody. He closes his eyes and brings the rolled joint to his lips and sucks in. Before he can even bring the joint down, he starts coughing, his eyes tearing up as he can’t seem to control himself. He can hear the deep laughter rumbling from in front of him and Sanghyuk’s own chuckle.

“You try it then,” he coughs, “and see how it is!” He hands the weed back to Sanghyuk who takes it willingly.

“Honestly, I don’t doubt I’ll react the same,” Sanghyuk says, still laughing.

“I just want you to know, I’m going to judge you hella hard,” Wonshik chimes in, a smirk plastered on his face as he takes a sip from his cup.

“What, like you didn’t cough a lung out the first time?” Sanghyuk says. There’s only a shrug and a snicker from Wonshik as Sanghyuk’s lips touch the paper. Their eyes on trained on him, anticipating his reaction when there’s only a small cough like he has a little tickle in his throat. “It’s not that bad,” Sanghyuk says and inhales once more.

“Oh whatever, I know you’re faking it,” Jaehwan pouts. From the corner of his eyes, he can swear he sees the corner of Taekwoon’s lips quirk up as his gaze weighs down on him. He can only imagine what the pale man must be thinking of him. “Just give it back,” Jaehwan says, snatching the joint again.

“Aye, look,” Wonshik says, tapping Sanghyuk’s shoulder, “There’s people walking around with jello shots dude.”

“What? They go jello shots?” Sanghyuk whips around and his eyes go wide and bright as they land on the colorful plastic cups. “Yo, we gotta get some.”

The promise of jello shots, his favorite get-messed-up-quick drinks, excites Jaehwan. Yet, before Jaehwan himself can spy the shots, Sanghyuk takes him by the wrist and drags him off to the kitchen.

“Get us some too!” Wonshik shouts from behind them.

Jaehwan peers over his shoulder and sees Taekwoon whisper something in Wonshik’s ear. They chuckle together and Jaehwan’s chest tights at the sight. All it takes is a small second to be distracted by their canoodling and the pure joy Jaehwan felt from something as simple as a jello shot is taken away. He crinkles his nose, trying not to wonder what they could be laughing at. Amid his worries, Sanghyuk shoves a cup of blue jello in Jaehwan’s hand.

“Have you tried one of these before?” Sanghyuk asks him as Jaehwan whiplashes back to where he was.

“Of course I have. I’m not a child,” Jaehwan spits back at him.

“How am I supposed to know? I was just asking you a question. Maybe you need another hit,” Sanghyuk says, a smile at his lips but sincerity in his tone.

It’s possible that Jaehwan should heed his advice, so he takes another puff and subsequently coughs all the air out of his lungs.

“I swear I’ll get used to this,” Jaehwan says and sniffles as Sanghyuk pats his back.

“Well, it takes some getting used to,” Sanghyuk slurps from his red cup.

“Yeah, but you seemed to handle it well,” Jaehwan says.

“It’s probably ‘cause I hang out with Wonshik. I think I’ve gotten contact high from him a couple of times… like, I’m more than sure of it.”

Jaehwan laughs at this then takes a puff once more, coughing quite less this time. With his bearings straight, he sees the small grin displayed on Sanghyuk’s lips as he eyes him. Jaehwan sticks his tongue out at Sanghyuk, feeling mighty proud of himself that he’s no longer acting like an innocent child, and follows up the puff with downing his shot.

They both take turns sipping from other cups of jello and passing the joint between each other, inhaling each other’s breaths. Soon, Wonshik and Taekwoon join them, or more so Wonshik as Taekwoon follows his side like a tag hanging off a shirt. Wonshik grumbles about them never getting him his jello shots, but they don’t pay attention to his whining.

Heat rolls in waves from the pit of Jaehwan’s stomach to his face as Sanghyuk plays with his fingers. It’s with intent that Sanghyuk’s thumb traces the wrinkles of Jaehwan’s knuckles as Wonshik goes on about these sneakers he thrifted the other day. Jaehwan loses much of the details over the booming bass of the hip hop song playing and the way Sanghyuk’s hair hangs off his forehead.

“I’m hungry,” Jaehwan blurts out.

Sanghyuk looks up at him, mouth agape, and tightens his hold on Jaehwan’s hand. “That’s a great idea.”

“What’s a great idea?”

“Food, duh,” Sanghyuk says, pulling him up from the stool at the bar counter. “Wanna get something to eat?”

With thoughts of greasy fried food, Jaehwan nods his head and turns back to Wonshik and Taekwoon. “Do you guys wanna come?”

“Nah, I think we might leave soon actually. Taek’s pretty tired so…”

“Really, how do you know?” Jaehwan asks.

“’Cause he said it? But yeah, I’ll catch you later Hyuk. It was nice meeting you, Jaehwan,” Wonshik says, snaking his arm around Taekwoon’s waist as if keeping him upright so the man doesn’t pass out from pure exhaustion.

“What if I held you like that,” Sanghyuk says, placing both hands at the small of Jaehwan’s back, holding him close like when they dancing as one body. Jaehwan’s eyes fall on the dark gaze piercing into him as if searching for something within him. Inch by inch, those eyes float closer to his. He lifts the tiny bit left of the joint, and inhales. He holds it in his lungs like Wonshik taught before blowing the smoke in Sanghyuk’s face. He doesn’t even flinch and Jaehwan can even see the smoke funnel through his nose. “So, where do you want to go?”

Jaehwan taps his finger lightly against Sanghyuk’s lips, finding himself drawn to the duckbill nature of how they jut out from his face.

“Jae,” Sanghyuk sings and his eyes light up from the smile appearing on his face.

“What?”

“Where do you want to eat?”

“Oh, right,” Jaehwan says, stepping back from Sanghyuk’s hands which let go with ease, “Mm, I think there’s a Burger King near here? With like… an all-night drive-through.”

“Did you drive here?”

“No.”

“Me either. So… how are supposed to go through a drive-through?”

Jaehwan shrugs and hooks his finger through the collar of Sanghyuk’s shirt. “I dunno. But this shirt… not good.”

“Not good?!”

“Nope.”

“Well, thank you for your unsolicited opinion, Sir, I’ll surely toss it in the trash as soon as I get home,” Sanghyuk laughs.

“Good.”

“Come on, Red Eyes,” Sanghyuk says, taking hold of Jaehwan’s hand.

“Dude! Remember that ‘got red eyes, get clear eyes’ guy? Whatever happened to him?”

“That’s a good ass question. I gotta remember to look that up later.”

One nostalgia trip later and their sweaty hands are clasped in the chilly air. They approach the Burger King hiding in the night if it wasn’t for the bright and tall sign on the edge of the sidewalk. Looking through the windows, it’s hard to see if any employees are even inside, but the lone car taking its bag from the drive-through window proves different.

“This is… probably the most stupid thing I’ve ever done,” Sanghyuk chimes as they walk through the empty parking lot.

“You haven’t done it yet, silly,” Jaehwan says and shoves his shoulder into Sanghyuk’s.

As the Sudan advances off the lot, the two walk up towards the window. The employee inside is too preoccupied with the cash register to even notice the two bodies standing outside. They stand there awkwardly in the drive-through, waiting to see if the worker will ever turn around. However, Sanghyuk proves himself impatient as he steps up towards the closed window and stage coughs into his fist. The lady jumps in shock and stares at them in bafflement, taking a second to register their situation before opening the window.

“Um, may I help you?” the woman asks with a quirked brow.

“Yeah, can we get uh… two whoppers with cheese and-”

“Sir, we don’t take walk-ups. Please leave or come back with a car,” she interrupts.

“But you asked if you may help me?”

“Because you seem lost, sir.”

“Excuse me lady, why exactly do we need a car? I don’t see why that’s necessary,” Jaehwan says before Sanghyuk can speak up again.

“It’s policy. I really need you guys to leave.”

“But we’re hungry,” Jaehwan says, his mouth threatening to form another pout as Sanghyuk takes him by the shoulders.

“Let’s not bother her further, she has the liability to call the cops on us.”

“Ugh!” Jaehwan grunts as he stomps off.

“Sorry to bother you,” Sanghyuk says before running off after Jaehwan. “Got any other plans?”

“I dunno… walk? Maybe we can find something,” Jaehwan shrugs, already busy with looking down the street.

“Or, how about we just use the internet?” Sanghyuk says and waves his phone after taking it out of his pocket.

They stop on the sidewalk as Sanghyuk pulls out the map on his phone and searches to see if there are any open restaurants near them. For the most part, all they see from the app are cafes and fast food restaurants close on the inside.

“Wait, what’s this,” Jaehwan says, pinching the screen to zoom on the hours under Denny’s. Twenty-four hours. “Denny’s! There’s a Denny’s that’s open! Let’s go,” Jaehwan shouts and grabs Sanghyuk’s wrist as he runs off. Sanghyuk laughs, his feet failing to keep up with Jaehwan.

“Ugh, why are you so slow?” Jaehwan whines.

“I’m so sorry, I’ll tell my legs to go faster.”

“Here,” Jaehwan says and bends his knees to lower himself in front of Sanghyuk, “Get on my back.”

“I’m not about to get on your back,” Sanghyuk sputters, barely able to get out the sentence as his eyes crinkle in laughter.

“Do it! Trust me,” Jaehwan says, patting his shoulder for reassurance.

“It’s not that I think you’re gonna drop me- You know what, why the fuck not,” Sanghyuk says quickly and leans over Jaehwan’s back, wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Alright, let’s go,” Jaehwan says and clutches onto Sanghyuk’s legs. Before Sanghyuk can get his bearings on Jaehwan’s back, Jaehwan takes off like a racehorse towards the diner.

“I-I don’t know if I should be scared or impressed right now,” Sanghyuk shouts seemingly over his own fear.

“Impressed. Definitely impressed. This is actually my secret skill.”

“Sure is a talent,” Sanghyuk says, still shouting.

As Jaehwan repositions Sanghyuk on his back, Sanghyuk’s arms loosen up around his shoulders. Jaehwan’s chest pounds as his feet thunderously slap against the concrete. It burns as he tries to intake more oxygen but he doesn’t care. The adrenaline rushing through his body is more than in what’s possibly years. It’s exhilarating, running, with Sanghyuk on his back, running just to be running for no damn reason.

Slowly, the Denny’s sign comes into view and grows larger as Jaehwan pushes himself further. After a few more steps, Jaehwan gradually comes to a halt and lets his heart catch up.

“I… I can’t run anymore,” Jaehwan says in between breaths and hands on his knees. Sanghyuk drops down from Jaehwan’s back before patting his back.

“That was fucking great,” Sanghyuk says with much more vigor than Jaehwan can comprehend.

“Thank you,” Jaehwan breathes out. Sanghyuk continues to stand by his side, repeatedly patting his back until he fully recuperates.

“You good?” Sanghyuk asks.

There’s a pause of Jaehwan still gathering his breath before he’s able to stand upright and shows Sanghyuk a thumbs up. “I’m good.”

“Good, let’s get some food then,” Sanghyuk says and in a flash, Jaehwan runs off inside the diner doors while shouting “food”.

Despite the commotion the two clearly displayed outside the restaurant, the hostess brings them to a booth along the windows where the neon signs outside can shine through and hands them their menus. They skim through the menus, pretty sure that all they want are burgers and fries, and possibly nachos, and definitely shakes. Actually, the buffalo wings look really good so possibly those instead of the nachos. Sanghyuk almost falls for getting both until they find out they don’t have nachos and buffalo wings money. Buffalo wings it is.

The waitress comes back around and scribbles down their order in his tiny notepad and almost when it’s too late, Sanghyuk quickly asks for two glasses of water as well.

Jaehwan’s back sinks into the broken and plush cushion, letting it consume him as if he was floating on water. It’s only now that his heart has stopped racing, stopped officially grasping for oxygen when he’s surrounded by him.

“So how are you feeling?” Sanghyuk says and wipes his thumb across Jaehwan’s forehead.

“Good,” Jaehwan reiterates. “This is fun. I’m glad I found you again.”

“Oh good, I didn’t want to be the one to say it first,” Sanghyuk chuckles.

“Why’s that?”

“I dunno, you just… don’t seem to be the type to like clingy people.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Like, all of it.”

“I dunno. Not that you’re a type. At first, I thought you were ‘a type’ but now, I just don’t know. But if you were a type, you’d be the type to like, not give a shit about what anyone thinks, and just always do what you wanna do, always be on the move. Somebody’s who’s the definition of free you know? That includes not wanting people to cling to you, trying to push limits or boundaries on you or something,” Sanghyuk explains, having been deep in thought and letting his mouth flow out the words in his head. “That’s kind of why I thought we didn’t share numbers or anything.”

Jaehwan stares at Sanghyuk, slowly taking in the thoughts pouring out in front of him and completely forms the image that Sanghyuk is describing. It’s the same image that Jaehwan keeps in his head, that he’s built himself, the image he wishes to fulfill. It feels like a sort of accomplishment that Sanghyuk sees that in him. But it’s all a hologram. A projected image that isn’t really there. Now, Jaehwan can only imagine what Sanghyuk would think of him if he really knew he was speaking to a hologram.

“So basically, what you’re saying is...I’m the cool type?” Jaehwan asks, pushing a smile onto his face.

“Precisely.”

“Thank you for noticing,” He sticks his tongue out at Sanghyuk who retaliates by poking his side just as the waiter comes back with all their food at once, just as they ordered.

Before the waiter can completely leave their table, Jaehwan already begins trying to stuff the burger down his throat.

“Now what type am I?” Sanghyuk asks as he chews off half of his wing.

“Um,” Jaehwan mumbles as he tries to swallow all of the food in his mouth. “Maybe like, a cool nerd?”

“What! Where exactly are you getting nerd from?”

“Well for one, you’re wearing that stupid shirt. Two, don’t you have like a crap ton of figurines in your room?”

“You remember those?”

“Yeah. I remember thinking, ‘Wow, what a big geek,’” Jaehwan says, going through half of his burger.

“Oh shut up,” Sanghyuk laughs.

“But honestly, I don’t think you’re a type either, or that I can fit you into one. You’re just the guy who... let me, a stranger, into your room, tried to cheer me up for no reason, and didn’t forget me, and let me piggyback ride you to Denny’s.”

“Okay, so what I’m hearing is that I’m a nice guy?”

“Precisely. But like, more than that though, ‘cause you’re also the guy who bought me weed.” 

“Oh yeah, I’m a great guy then,” Sanghyuk says and Jaehwan leans back into the booth as he laughs.

“That you are,” Jaehwan says with a smile as he looks over at Sanghyuk, feeling strange at how familiar the man feels now that he’s thinking about it. It should be weird how comfortable he feels with him, but it would be weird for him to be comfortable with  _ anybody _ .

Sanghyuk picks up a fry and turns to catch Jaehwan looking at him with those goofy eyes. Jaehwan’s too slow at trying to move his eyes to act like he wasn’t staring and then there’s a fry wedged in the crevice of his lips. He welcomes the fried goodness in any aspect and bites down on it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen somebody eat a hamburger that size that quick.”

“That’s the second secret skill of mine, dear Sanghyuk.”

“Geez, at this rate I’ll see all your secrets then, huh?”

“Nope, that’s no fun. Some things have to stay secret or there’s no mystery,” Jaehwan says, waving his fingers to and from Sanghyuk’s face. Sanghyuk reaches out to slap Jaehwan’s wiggly fingers out his face. “This isn’t fair. You have to tell me at least one secret now.”

“I mean technically I never asked to know any of your secrets, you just showed me them.”

“Tell. Me.” Jaehwan says, slamming his fist against the table, “Tell. Me. Tell. Me.”

“Okay okay, I’ll tell you!” Sanghyuk laughs as he keeps Jaehwan’s fist pressed against the table. “Um, I’ve never lost a game of Puyo Puyo. Like nobody I know can beat me at it.”

“Poo-oh?”

“No Puyo. You’ve never played Puyo? That’s great, I can show it to you then, it’s basically Tetris.”

“What the hell you are a huge nerd,” Jaehwan laughs.

“Shut up!”

“Wait, did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“That buzzing noise.” Once again, there’s a buzzing vibration coming from the vicinity of Jaehwan’s crotch. “There it is again.”

“Dude... I’m pretty sure that’s your phone.”

“Oh, totally.” Jaehwan reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his phone. “Oh,” he utters as he reads the text sent to him, the text he waits for every night. “I gotta go.”

“Wait, why? Who texted you?”

“Hongbin. He wants to see me,” Jaehwan says, clutching the phone in his hands as he looks up at Sanghyuk with his lips pressed into a smile.

“Hongbin? Are you actually serious right now? It’s like one a.m., what the fuck does he want?”

“I don’t know, I mean, I guess I do know. But, look,” Jaehwan shows the screen to Sanghyuk’s face, “He really wants to see me right now.”

It’s a simple text that reads “can you come over,” without a question mark. Not a single word demands urgency but Jaehwan believes Hongbin wouldn’t text him if he absolutely didn’t want him. That’s all that Jaehwan needs for as much as he wants Hongbin too.

“I thought we talked about this already.”

“Yea well things happened, and he isn’t like that. You think you know him, but you don’t.”

“I don’t think you know him- wait what, things happened? Did you actually- but you told me you didn’t?”

“You assumed we didn’t but yeah I did—we did. So, I gotta go. I’ll see you later okay?” Jaehwan says, body unsettled as he eagerly wants to leave the booth blocked by Sanghyuk’s body. He keeps eye contact with Sanghyuk no matter how eager he is though, trying to signal some sign of appreciation.

“Wait-” Sanghyuk says and eyes scramble around the nearly empty plates and his lap looking for something. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone and brings up his contact list. “I don’t trust the universe to just sporadically have us meet again.”

“Fine,” Jaehwan says as he takes the phone to enter his number. “Clingy. Now move,” Jaehwan says without any real acidity, shoving the phone back in Sanghyuk’s hand as he tries to push the incredibly large body out the booth.

“What’s so much better about him than me anyway?” Sanghyuk says, acceding to Jaehwan’s hands and stands up.

“Ha, are you being jealous right now?”

“No, well, maybe, I just don’t see how his company is better than mine.”

Jaehwan reaches up to pat Sanghyuk’s cheek, looking up at him with sad eyes. “Don’t be jealous Sanghyuk, it’s not a good look… Bye!”

Jaehwan looks over his shoulder as he waves at Sanghyuk, the smile still on his face. The way Sanghyuk’s eyes cling onto his every movement fills him with fuel he’s never tasted before. Bitter and sticky, a residue that stays at the roof of his mouth but addicting like sugar. Without caution, he can see himself easily staying for more.


	2. Keep it Personal

“Ugh, you smell foul.”

The sudden impudence filters through Jaehwan’s ears as he stumbles through the doorway opened for him. As Jaehwan’s eyes focus on Hongbin in front of him, he can’t seem to remember how he actually got here. It’s always the jello shots that sneak up on him. That, along with the bright lights in the hallway rendering him nearly blind, he doesn’t know how he ended up in front of Hongbin’s door in one piece.

“If I would’ve known this was your condition I would’ve-”

“What? You would’ve what?” Jaehwan spits as Hongbin backs up from him. He throws himself on Hongbin’s bed as if it’s his and it feels like home.

“Nothing, don’t worry about that. But, it’s probably best if you go home. It’s late and you need to be in the comfort of your own bed,” Hongbin says and stands to hover over Jaehwan.

“No, you’re not kicking me out,” Jaehwan slurs.

“Well, why did you come here if you’re not feeling good?”

“Because you asked to see me! Uh… I need to throw up.”

“Not on my floor!” Hongbin shouts, rushing to grab the paper bin next to his desk.

“It’s fine. I can’t throw up. I already tried outside. It’s stuck in me,” Jaehwan says, hand flat against his stomach. Nausea comes in a wave and leaves him lightheaded. 

“That’s…charming,” Hongbin winces, “Here, well don’t lay like that. Lay on your side, put your head on the pillow—like this—or else you could choke.”

Jaehwan curls his knees in on himself after Hongbin turns him on his side. He fists the comforter under his body and pulls up the corner just enough to be able to bury his nose in it. “Thank you,” Jaehwan murmurs as he looks up at Hongbin, eyelashes fluttering with every blink.

Hongbin mutters some sort of welcome under his breath as he kneels down at the bed. Jaehwan’s eyes stay glued to the man as he unties his shoelaces and slips his sneakers off his feet.

“Are you going to go to sleep with me?”

“Well, this is my room so I don’t think I have a choice, do I? I’ll just—” Hongbin traces across the room to his closet, pulling out a light coverlet and extra sheets, “—sleep here on the floor.”

“No, in the bed, with me,” Jaehwan demands and slaps the space next to him for extra effect.

“Jaehwan—”

“Please?”

Jaehwan hugs the pillow under his head as he peers up at Hongbin. His eyes are bloodshot and his breath smells like a street dumpster but even still, Hongbin drops his linens on the floor to crawl his way into bed with Jaehwan.

“How can I say no to you?” Hongbin comments with a smile playing on his lips. Even as drowsy as Jaehwan is, the little grin shines brightly through his glazed vision.

“That’s right, you can’t,” Jaehwan says, inching across the bed to make room for Hongbin on the small twin size bed.

Jaehwan doesn’t know what makes him say that. Not when he feels so inferior to Hongbin’s sparkly eyes and chiseled jaw. Being in such close proximity, Hongbin still feels surreal to Jaehwan. Even more surreal is why Hongbin would let someone like Jaehwan in his room let alone his bed. 

“Why are you so pretty?” Jaehwan blurts out amidst his thoughts.

“Excuse me?” Hongbin asks, thoroughly confused and blinks innocently at Jaehwan.

“Why. Are you. So pretty? I’m right here, how did you not hear me?”

Hongbin laughs. “Sorry, just that comment was very unexpected.” He props his head upon his hand, peering over Jaehwan and looks him in the eye. “I’m not prettier than you, though.”

No...there’s no possible way that Jaehwan heard him right. Jaehwan gazes at him with glassy clear eyes, wondering if he just made it up in his mind. As long as it took for Jaehwan to even get Hongbin to notice him in class, let alone get him to start sending texts, “pretty” was the last descriptor Jaehwan thought he would ever hear from Hongbin. He was sure he would hear annoying or easy before any sort of compliment, especially coming from a man who could go toe to toe with both Greek gods and scholars.

“You think I’m pretty?” The words came out before he could stop them.

“Of course I do, that’s such a silly question,” Hongbin says, reaching out to caress Jaehwan’s cheek with the back of his fingers.

“It’s not silly, how can you expect me to know what you think? For all I know, you may think I’m… I’m atrocious or something.”

“Now what makes you say that?” Hongbin asks, bringing his hand down to Jaehwan’s waist.

Hongbin’s gentle touch on his waist sends an electrifying tingle up his spine. He can’t bring himself to continue looking at the man and all his chiseled features and big eyes that seem to cut through him. Of course Jaehwan knows he’s a good-looking person, but once he lays his eyes on Hongbin his self-recognition goes out the door. Hongbin’s so much more confident, astute, and downright gorgeous that it’s impossible for Jaehwan to remember anything inherently good about himself. The only word that feels perfect to describe himself is ‘atrocious’ and currently laying in Hongbin’s bed drunk and possibly still high doesn’t help. 

“Because sometimes it feels like I’m atrocious around you.”

“That’s just not true, and you should know better. Well, you are drunk right now, so what would you know.”

“I know that I want you,” Jaehwan blurts once more, his eyes drifting up to Hongbin’s lips. Maybe it’s the alcohol still writhing inside him or maybe it’s now knowing Hongbin thinks he’s pretty, but all he wants is to hear his name roll off of Hongbin’s tongue.

“Absolutely not. Not when you’re like this.”

“But I want to.”

“It’s not up for debate, Jaehwan. I’m not taking advantage of you”

“What if I did everything myself? What if it was me who kissed you?” Jaehwan says as he holds Hongbin by the nape. His mind had already been set. He wants what he wants and all that’s left is for Hongbin to agree. “It wouldn’t be taking advantage if I initiated, right?”

“It’s just not a good idea and I’m not doing it”.”

“All I want is a kiss. One kiss.” His fingertips brush against the small hairs of Hongbin’s neck before he tightens his grip, pulling himself closer until their lips meet. Even through the fog in his mind, he can still feel the stiffness of Hongbin’s body under his touch. He’s so tense and Jaehwan almost pulls away—feeling atrocious yet again—but then he notices Hongbin slowly kissing back. It makes him feel better for a second, knowing he’s allowed more when his lips part for him. 

The kiss deepens but there’s no hurry. Jaehwan almost suffocates from the tenderness of it all as Hongbin gently rubs his thumb against his bare skin under his shirt. He’s tied between wanting more and just lazing like this with Hongbin, tasting him under the heat of his own breath. He decides to push it a little bit, to see what all he can do as he gets up on his knees to straddle the man. Hongbin lets him as he rolls onto his back and grabs Jaehwan by the hips. The boundaries become blurred as Jaehwan rolls his hips into Hongbin’s and licks at his bottom lip. It’s ridiculous how addicted he can be with the man but all he can think of it the want for more.

Hongbin pulls away from the kiss, lips still ghosting against Jaehwan’s. “You’re trying to tempt me,” Hongbin breathes against his mouth.

“Is it working?”

“No.” Still using his grip on Jaehwan’s hip, Hongbin turns him back on his side with a soft thud as Jaehwan lets his body go limp against the mattress. “You should go to bed now, you’ve had your kiss… Plus your breath smells God awful.”

Jaehwan gasps, slapping his hands over his mouth without even meaning to be dramatic about it. Hongbin laughs at him, eyes crinkling at the very corners. 

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” he deadpans, struggling to shift the comforter from under their deadweight. 

Jaehwan squirms as the blanket gets pulled underneath him and uses it as an excuse to press his body against Hongbin. “Am I cute enough to go down on you? If you just lay there and my mouth just so happens to suck your dick it can’t be that bad.”

“Okay, one, that’s a loaded question, I don’t appreciate it. And two, go to bed, Jaehwan.”

Hongbin flips over in the bed and Jaehwan’s left to stare at his brown locks. The rejection stings and Jaehwan tries to tell himself that it’s not more than what it actually is. That Hongbin is truly looking out for him and not that he thinks he’s some disgusting whore. That his mouth won’t taint him from the inside out. The thoughts threaten to encompass his mind and he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to force himself to sleep so they can stop.

  
  


“Ugh...fucking jello shots,” Jaehwan grunts. His alarm blasts throughout the room, disturbing him from his sleep. His brain slams repeatedly against his head, or so it feels like, trying to keep up with the beat of the obnoxious tune. Eyes shut and pressed deep into the pillow, he blindly searches across the bed for his blaring phone. 

His phone continues to blast through his ears, hammering at his skull and he wants it to stop. No, he _needs_ it to stop before he claws his eyes out. “Every-fucking-time, it’s the jello shots,” he complains when he can’t find his phone to shut it up. “Why do I do this to myself?” 

The music gets louder and Jaehwan gets increasingly more annoyed. “Where the fuck is it?” he groans. 

Eventually, he actually sits up on the bed and opens his eyes to search by using his vision. By the time he brings himself to enter the world again, his alarm turns off, thankfully. He rubs the sleepy out of his eyes and gradually, he realizes that he’s not in his bedroom. All by himself, he takes in the neat desk with binders and books cleanly stacked vertically. There’s a lack of clothes—dirty or clean—on the floor and what’s most unrecognizable: the curtains lining the two windows. He didn’t recognize anything, but then it hit him. 

Oh, right. He went to Hongbin’s.

Still discombobulated as the drowsiness blankets him, he wonders where’s Hongbin if he’s in his room, why did Hongbin leave him and not wake him up? The potential answers make his head spin just like last night and he tries to keep the sensation still, holding his forehead in the palm of his hands. He takes a second to get his shit together before realizing he needs to leave, to go somewhere that’s not here so he doesn’t look more desperate than he already is.

Yet, before he can do that, he still needs his phone. He finally gets up from the bed and it’s no surprise that it’s sitting right there, on the bedside table, and he could slap himself. Attached to the phone is a sticky note:

_Left early, didn’t want to disturb you._

_I’ll text you later._

Jaehwan’s lips quiver a little as he tries not to smile upon reading the letter. Maybe Hongbin did think of him after all.

His phone shows it’s 1:35 PM, about the normal time Jaehwan wakes up after going out the night before. There still isn’t a text from Hongbin, though. There’s a couple from Sanghyuk: one asking if he’s okay and another asking if he’s awake. Jaehwan shoves the phone in his back pocket instead of answering.

Sanghyuk’s cute, in nearly every aspect too. Jaehwan would be a fool if he tried to deny that. His oval-shaped smile is adorable, particularly when his eyes sparkle along with it, like when they first saw each other at the party yesterday. Jaehwan appreciates the fact that, without even thinking about it, Sanghyuk sees something more in him than he thought was actually there. Maybe it was because he was young, or because they hardly know each other, but Sanghyuk looks at him like he’s a precious gem—that he’s the most beautiful, precious person on the planet. It’s cute. But cute isn’t what he needs. 

What he needs is Hongbin. 

And aspirin. Maybe the aspirin first. 

Jaehwan also notes that he needs water for the very bad cottonmouth he has going on. His stomach also growls with the need for food as he continues to lay there, staring at the popcorn ceiling instead of actually getting something done. Once he can no longer stand the hunger and physical pain he’s feeling, he gets up.

He’ll deal with Sanghyuk’s texts later. Maybe.

He goes through the drawers in Hongbin’s nightstand desk, telling himself that Hongbin wouldn’t mind. He shuffles through inessential stuff like batteries, index cards, and charger cables but doesn’t find any medicine.

“I know he has to keep _something_ in here,” Jaehwan stresses.

Hongbin’s room feels like a studious high school student’s room: All school supplies and not much else. Hongbin’s toiletries were nowhere to be found--in fact, the only thing that Jaehwan _could_ find was the microwave and mini-fridge. There’s no way this a standalone room capable of a young adult’s survival.

Where does he keep his toothbrush? Towels? Hell, there aren’t even any spare snacks hidden under his bed. It’s a very specific place, Jaehwan knows, but he knows the convenience of having snacks underneath the bed from experience. Then, through the fog in his mind, Jaehwan remembers Hongbin pulling out the extra sheets from the closet, the one place he hasn’t ransacked.

It’s a small walk-in closet with a clothes rack lining the back and a plastic industrial shelf pushed along the side. On the shelf, Jaehwan finds all the missing toiletries and cleaning supplies to boot. On the bottom shelf are two boxes filled with the snacks and noodles he was looking for. 

Yet, he still couldn’t find the aspirin or ibuprofen.

Instead, Jaehwan grabs the only extra toothbrush and the tube of toothpaste next to it. “He wouldn’t mind,” Jaehwan says to himself and brings them with him to the hall bathroom.

Finally, Jaehwan is able to walk around with fresh breath and isn’t repulsed by his own mouth. When he returns the toothbrush where he found it, he quickly snatches a bag of chips, stuffs it in his jacket pocket and slips on his shoes.

When he leaves Hongbin’s dorm and lets the heavy door shut behind him, he takes a second to look back at Sanghyuk’s door down the hall. He could probably check to see if Sanghyuk was home, but he can’t even bring himself to answer the man’s texts, let alone knock on his door. Plus, it’s too early—for Jaehwan—to deal with human contact.

For a second too long, he catches his eyes hanging on to the door before turning away and leaving the building.

“Maybe I can get a burger while I’m out,” Jaehwan mutters, walking in his clothes from last night as he takes quick steps towards the CVS across campus.

Not finding pain relievers at Hongbin’s place helped Jaehwan acquaint himself with the world around him again, even if it was because he had to walk to the corner store to buy said pain medication. It was the only fortunate thing Jaehwan could make out of the situation though since his head was still beating to the rhythm of its own drum. At least he doesn’t feel as gross as he did before he headed out—not entirely less gross, but still. He brushed his teeth, so his morning isn’t going as bad as it could have been in the long run.

His head is tipped downwards as he enters the store, trying desperately to avoid the insanely bright lights that could trigger an even worse migraine. Also, he doesn’t need to see the glares from people thinking he’s taken a walk of shame to get here, even if he technically did. All he needs to do is get in and out and not get distracted by the snack aisle that seems to be calling his name. He already has the bag of Chex Mix in his pocket from Hongbin’s place, he’s set.

Jaehwan quickly gets the aspirin and a water bottle to chug it down with and walks up the cash register, hoping that the cashier isn’t a talker. He felt alive, not perky enough to deal with an overly happy employee or just anybody for that matter.

He slips the man his money and swiftly takes the change, paying for the brandless small bottle of pain medicine and the water bottle. Just as he reaches the blinding sunlight coming in from the sliding glass doors, he hears his name being called. He has half a mind to pretend like he didn’t hear the only loud noise coming out of the quiet convenience store when it’s coming from an unfamiliar voice.

Who could possibly know his name anyways besides some random guy he once made out with?

He takes so long to decide on whether he should respond, even though it’s clear as day that he was being called by _someone_ —even if he couldn’t place who exactly it was—that he hears the voice again. Except for this time, the voice is much softer and closer than before.

“Did I get your name wrong? Sorry, I’m usually good at remembering names,” the soft voice speaks again, and when he turns around to meet it, he feels a strange sense of relief wash over him.

He definitely wasn’t expecting to see Taekwoon and slightly welcomes the fact that it wasn’t a stranger disrupting his moments of solitude.

“Oh, Taekwoon, sorry I just…no you were right,” Jaehwan says, tripping over his words. He’s so shocked by Taekwoon’s appearance, let alone him initiating a conversation, that he’s actually become speechless. He takes a moment to gather him and take a breath before refocusing on the man in front of him. “Sorry about that. I didn’t know who would be calling my name out like that.”

“What, you got debt collectors coming after you already?” Taekwoon jokes.

“Ha, no,” Jaehwan laughs, “I’m not feeling too great right now.” To prove his point, he pulls the medicine out of the bag.

“Understandable. Wonshik couldn’t even get out the bed this morning,” Taekwoon lets out a soft chuckle, leaving a long pause between them as it dies down. “Have you eaten yet? You don’t look so hot, maybe a nice meal will help with that too.”

“I actually just woke up not even an hour ago,” Jaehwan admits. His hand unconsciously grazes against his cheek, as if that could somehow give him the insight into how grimy he must look like through someone else’s eyes. He can’t even bring himself to imagine the dark bags he’s sporting under his eyes.

“So…no? It’s past two and you haven’t eaten anything yet?”

“I was about to,” Jaehwan says and he can hear the whining in his own voice. “There were two things I had to take care of when I woke up: this raging headache I got and food. I just chose the headache first before I bashed my head into this glass door,” Jaehwan explains as he mindlessly plays with the ring on his finger.

“That doesn’t sound good. Do you want to grab some lunch, then? A friend of mine invited me out and you can tag along if you want, he wouldn’t mind,” Taekwoon says, “Though…you kind of look like you’re not ready to face the world right now, huh? If you want to be left alone, that’s fine too.”

“If we’re being honest, I’m never ready to face the world.” Jaehwan looks up at Taekwoon, not even knowing why they’re talking in the first place. If his memory serves him right, he could’ve sworn he remembers the side eyes and hushed giggles from last night that he thought he left back in high school. He can’t fathom why Taekwoon would try to be amicable with him right now.

He wants to tell Taekwoon no, that he’s fine, but the offer is somewhat tempting. Though he believes they had a bad first meeting, there’s sympathy coming from Taekwoon, almost emphasized by the curtness of his words. It’s just that he has no idea where this sympathy is coming from.

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to join you? I don’t want to impose on your lunch date or something,” Jaehwan asks to give Taekwoon a chance to retract the offer.

“If it wasn’t okay for you to join, then I wouldn’t have asked you. You can say no if you don’t want to go, you know?” Taekwoon’s straightforward but not harsh, just letting Jaehwan know that his feelings won’t be hurt if he turns him down. They’re both big boys who can make decisions and handle what somebody has to say about them. At least that’s what Jaehwan tells himself.

“You know what,” Jaehwan says, “I have no place to be after this. I’ll go.”

“Cool,” Taekwoon responds and smiles, “C’mon.”

“Hey, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon greets, pulling out Jaehwan’s chair before getting settled in his own. “I hope you don’t mind that I brought somebody along.”

“No, of course not!” Hakyeon laughs, “I’m just surprised you have friends other than me.” He’s already settled with a bowl of lo mein from The Market and slurps some of the noodles.

You’re not funny,” Taekwoon pouts, “Anyways, this is Jaehwan. Jaehwan, Hakyeon.”

“Uh, hi,” Jaehwan says as he sits in the chair across from Hakyeon. He sets down his burger and fries, courtesy of Taekwoon’s meal card, and must hold himself back from digging into his meal like a caveman.

He’s not really sure how he went from wanting to avoid all human contact to now sitting with two people who are strangers. Even still, Hakyeon's smile directed towards him wraps him in a wrap ambiance that’s as unknown as the people themselves. If he allows himself to say it, he would say that he feels comfortable despite hardly knowing them both.

“You know, you look familiar. I can’t say where I’ve seen you from, but I definitely know you,” Hakyeon says. He squints his eyes at Jaehwan, seeming dead set on figuring out who he is.

“Yeah, you kind of look familiar too?” Jaehwan says and bites into his burger. It’s possible they could’ve seen each other at a frat party perhaps, or maybe he works at Jaehwan’s favorite pizza restaurant down the street.

“Do you go to the campus Korean church, by any chance? Maybe I’ve seen you there; is that where you met Taek?” Hakyeon asks.

“I didn’t even know we had a Korean church.”

That rules out any party with drugs in the vicinity then, Jaehwan thinks.

“No, I met him at a party last night with Wonshik,” Taekwoon answers for him and stuffs a couple of fries in his mouth, “He was with Sanghyuk.”

“Sanghyuk? Wait, oh my gosh, that’s where I know you from!” Hakyeon exclaims. Jaehwan’s eyes widen not only from the sudden interjection, but he thinks he knows where he’s seen Hakyeon. “Aren’t you, what’s your name, Heo…Heoguk?”

Jaehwan’s face turns hot. He remembers just as Hakyeon does. Hakyeon would have called campus security on him if Sanghyuk wasn’t there to save his ass. If there was a prize for leaving bad first impressions, Jaehwan is sure he would win.

“What?” Taekwoon asks, looking back and forth from Hakyeon to Jaehwan in bewilderment.

“Are you Heoguk or Jaehwan?” Hakyeon asks, ignoring Taekwoon.

Jaehwan twists his mouth as if he’s eaten sour candy. This is exactly why he should have just gone to Burger King and ate there. Even a ham and cheese sandwich made in his kitchen would be better than having to sit through this. He can already feel the warm aura surrounding Hakyeon fading away, replaced by something bitter.

“I’ve been Jaehwan for as long as I can remember,” Jaehwan remarks, throwing a fry in his mouth because he hasn’t lost his appetite yet.

“So how does Sanghyuk know you then? How are you two friends if you’re lying about who you are?”

“We’re just two people who act friendly towards each other. That’s it,” Jaehwan states. He was not planning on getting chummy with an RA today. Dealing with authority was never his strong suit and today is no different. He honestly doesn’t know what made him agree to join Taekwoon to begin with. He doesn’t eat with other people, communicate with other people because this happens, they scrutinize him and remind him why he doesn’t make friends in the first place.

“I thought you guys were boyfriends?” Taekwoon chimes in.

“Boyfriends? Are you kidding me? Hell no; no, we’re definitely not boyfriends. I don’t even like him that way at all,” Jaehwan says and furiously waves his hands for extra effect.

“A simple no would’ve sufficed…”

“Okay so, what about Hongbin?” Hakyeon interjects, poking his chopsticks in Jaehwan’s direction.

“I don’t know, what about Hongbin?” Jaehwan quips, getting increasingly annoyed with the questioning. His leg rapidly bounces up and down, fidgeting under Hakyeon’s intensity.

“You tell me, you were the one banging on his door like a madman. Are you guys actually friends or do y’all know each other at all?”

Jaehwan’s leg stops bouncing as he stares down at his half-eaten plate. His appetite is officially gone. HE never thought about if he was technically friends with Hongbin. Sometimes he texts Hongbin and sometimes Hongbin responds to the texts. Sometimes he sucks Hongbin off, but never have they just sat together and hung out. Are they friends? Friends with benefits? They would have to be friends first of all to even consider having extra benefits.

“That’s…kind of complicated. We are friends I guess, but honestly, I don’t know,” Jaehwan says, his voice wandering off as he thinks of any other times he would’ve called somebody his friend. There aren’t too many examples to go by. “I don’t really know what constitutes as a ‘friend’ ‘cause I don’t have any,” Jaehwan admits before he can stop himself. He wonders why Hakyeon cares about their relationship anyway.

“Oh,” Hakyeon gasps, pressing his chopsticks flat against his napkin.

“See what you did, Hakyeon.”

“No-no-no, I’m sorry, Jaehwan. I wasn’t trying to pry into your personal life like that. Sometimes I get a little carried away when it comes to the people around me.”

“You mean overprotective and scary?”

“Taekwoon! But seriously, Jaehwan, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to step on a sensitive topic for you,” Hakyeon says.

“What, ‘cause I said I don’t have friends? I’m used to it. What I’m not used to is being interrogated by two strangers when I would rather eat lunch in the comfort of my own apartment,” Jaehwan says, still unsure why he’s letting himself put up with being in an uncomfortable. He should just go and forget this day happened.

“Yeah, I can’t blame you for that one. Let’s just start over, hmm?”

“It’s whatever. I don’t even know why I’m here, especially since I thought you didn’t even like me,” Jaehwan finally admits as he looks in Taekwoon’s direction.

“Me? Why?” Taekwoon asks completely dumbstruck.

“‘Cause it seemed like both you and Wonshik—specifically you though—were judging me, testing me, and I didn’t pass whatever test it was in your head.”

“You’re not completely wrong,” Taekwoon states, “we were ‘testing’ you, but that was purely because I _thought_ you were Sanghyuk’s boyfriend, so I was trying to get a feel for you,” Taekwoon answers easily. “Besides, if you didn’t pass my test, I wouldn’t have asked you to join me.”

Jaehwan almost forgot that he was invited in the first place because he was supposedly Sanghyuk’s boyfriend. He can’t wrap his head around the fact that Taekwoon fully believed he and Sanghyuk were dating. They’ve only known each other for less than forty-eight hours and already Sanghyuk’s friend believed they were dating. Yet, the more he tries to get close to Hongbin, the farther apart he feels from him.

Even if he was Sanghyuk’s “boyfriend,” there is no way he passed the “test.” He can see glimpses of his own stupidity from last night replaying in his head, how tense he was, his inability to take a hit without coughing out a lung, and overall his awkwardness with Taekwoon himself. He doesn’t know what Taekwoon saw, but they must not have experienced the same night.

“I don’t see how that’s possible considering I know I looked pretty dumb yesterday,” Jaehwan says, rubbing his thumb against the metal of his ring.

“I’m telling you, you’re fine.”

“Am I really? Maybe you don’t remember everything that happened. Even from today alone, you can’t tell me that I’m ‘fine’ when your friend has to give me the third degree. That doesn’t strike you as odd?” Jaehwan snaps. He can feel himself getting heated as his skull softly thuds against his temple.

“Why are you shitting on yourself?” Taekwoon asks, eyes narrowed in on Jaehwan.

“I’m not shitting on myself; I’m being honest.”

“If he says you’re fine, then you are. You know what, we all need to calm down.” Hakyeon says, breaking up the conversation between the two. “Jaehwan, I’m hosting a little movie night tonight at our dorm. Taekwoon and Wonshik are going to be there and you can totally come hang out with us. I think it would be good for us to fix our first impressions and get to know each other better. What do you say?”

The invitation catches Jaehwan off guard. He can’t seem to get a feel for this Hakyeon character as he goes from hot and cold. However, he thinks he’s had enough of human interaction for one day that doesn’t involve sweaty bodies pressed against each other.

“No, I don’t think I can go. I have like, stuff to do at home and other…things,” Jaehwan nearly winces at his own lie and throws a used napkin onto his plate, “I should probably get started on them right now, honestly.” He stands up from the table and grabs the plate off the table.

“What, already? Don’t tell me we scared you off?” Hakyeon says, face emanating disappointment as a frown tugged at his cheeks.

“No, it’s not that, I just…you know it’s important stuff,” he reiterates and pushes the chair back into the table.

“Okay, well, just in case you change your mind or finish with your _stuff_ , why don’t you give me your number or your snap and I’ll—”

“Oh, that, I’ll just give it to you next time,” Jaehwan says, now walking away from the table.

“What—”

“Bye!” Jaehwan scurries his way out the door before he could hear any shouts of opposition that make him feel regret.

Once Jaehwan’s outside and his feet pad softly against the campus sidewalk, he’s able to catch his breath, breathing hard from the sprint burst and anxiety. He’s so unaccustomed to any form of conversing before midnight that his energy feels thoroughly drained.

Jaehwan’s head hangs down as he thinks about how bizarre it felt to have lunch with just people, strangers or not. People that invited him out. He can’t even remember the last time he was invited somewhere by somebody who actually cared to know his name. Moreover, if he’s thinking clearly, it almost felt as if Hakyeon was practically begging Jaehwan to befriend him even after carrying out a full investigation on Jaehwan’s life.

Despite Hakyeon’s harsh introduction, he also can’t blame him. He would also probably be wary of a troublemaker asserting themselves in his life. Except, he probably wouldn’t because he’s always the troublemaker. The one full of disappointments and low expectations. However, that’s why he came to this college across the state, to be away from the people who knew him and start over and be somebody different.

Now that he’s able to think about it clearly, it’s apparent that Taekwoon and Sanghyuk see that difference in him. He’s not a nuisance to them—not yet. He knows himself, and he’s not a coward, but he’s been acting like one. It’s evident now that he’s been scared and avoiding what he came here to do. He has a chance to not be alone anymore, especially since Sanghyuk seems so desperate to be close to him too.

It’s just that he’s been ignoring that chance.

He’s no longer surrounded by the people back at home and he needs to remind himself that. Jaehwan pulls his phone out from his back pocket. There’s still an absence of a text from Hongbin but he skims over the fact to pull up Sanghyuk’s messages. Perhaps, he should text Sanghyuk back, maybe they could even go to that movie night. It wouldn’t hurt to spend one more night together, at least not more than spending the night alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on making this chapter this angsty but here we are  
> That's about all I have to say
> 
> (Beta'd by @vitaemins)


	3. Parallel Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehwan gets acquainted with spending his nights with Sanghyuk and Hongbin.

Even though this was all his idea, the wire structure digging in his ass and shoulder blades was giving him a reason to regret living out his childhood. He wiggled his butt a little to see if that would feel more comfortable and it didn’t. However, he still couldn’t verbally complain since Sanghyuk was pushing him around the grocery store aisles.

They meander down the frozen aisle with all the ready to go life-saving dinners for broke college students. “You know,” Sanghyuk speaks up as he opens up one of the doors and the cool air hits Jaehwan, giving him goosebumps, “For somebody as petite as you are, you sure do make pushing this cart really difficult.”

“You always say I’m ‘petite’ or ‘tiny’ and I do not know where you’re getting that. Also!” Jaehwan exclaims as he kneels forward in the cart to pick out a box of Hot Pockets from the open freezer. They’re here to shop for Sanghyuk’s groceries, but Jaehwan has emptied a good percentage of Sanghyuk’s refrigerator himself, so why not pick out some snacks for him to keep at Sanghyuk’s place. “You just need to work out more, build some muscle. Speaking of which, I can’t believe you’re a sophomore.”

“And why can’t you believe it?”

“‘Cause you don’t look like it,” Jaehwan says flatly, looking back at Sanghyuk.

“And what does a sophomore look like exactly?” Sanghyuk asks, grabbing a second box of the same Hot Pockets. Jaehwan might have eaten about eighty percent of Sanghyuk’s last box.

“I dunno, never really thought of it before. You?” Jaehwan asks, his brow furrowed as he actually tries to picture what a stereotypical image of a sophomore would be. It’s not a freshman or a senior, or hell even a junior who has experienced enough of undergrad to know the in’s and out’s on how to not make their year suck. Meanwhile, sophomores are just there.

“Me either. So. . . if both of us don’t know what a sophomore ‘looks like’, how do you know I don’t look like one, huh?”

“Because, it’s just something that you know, it’s embedded within your brain. Like when you’re a child and you know not to step on a crack or it’ll break your mother’s back,” Jaehwan surmises.

“I’m pretty sure we all had a friend that told us not to step on a crack,” Sanghyuk says, lips pulled into a tight line like he’s sucking on a lemon, as he tries not to laugh at Jaehwan. Whenever they have these conversations face-to-face, he always makes the same pursed expression, trying to remain serious with Jaehwan while Jaehwan spills whatever is on his mind.

“Do you remember who first told you that then, since you’re such a know-it-all,” Jaehwan quips, a raised eyebrow as he challenges Sanghyuk.

“I’m not saying you have a point,” Sanghyuk says painstakingly slow, “But, no. . . I don’t remember.”

“I have a point,” Jaehwan says with the biggest grin before Sanghyuk even finishes speaking.

“I have a better question actually,” Sanghyuk interjects, “what about me made you think I was a freshman? I think that’s what’s most confusing to me.” He leans forward with his forearms against the cart handle, taking up Jaehwan’s space with his entire upper body now.

Having no other choice, Jaehwan looks up at Sanghyuk’s face that’s suddenly so close to his. Sanghyuk is so close that if Jaehwan solely focuses on his collarbones peeking out through his t-shirt—not that he is—he can smell hints of chamomile and something else, something citrusy. . . maybe spicy, wafting from under his shirt. It makes his nose tickle and he has to lean back to breathe air that’s not entirely contaminated by Sanghyuk and his mysterious cologne.

Whenever they hang out, which has happened quite a few times by this point, Jaehwan can never tell if Sanghyuk does this on purpose. If he purposely tries to make Jaehwan feel fluttery under his skin as if he poked his finger in an electrical outlet. In Jaehwan’s mind, Sanghyuk is about as dangerous as an infinite electrical current. Yet, Jaehwan still can’t decipher if Sanghyuk is trying to flirt with him or if just at random moments, Jaehwan sees this handsome man that he normally wouldn’t hesitate to jump at. Except no, they’re friends and friends only.

“Uh,” Jaehwan utters, momentarily forgetting Sanghyuk’s question, and it comes back to him as Sanghyuk quirks his brow. “I think it was your mannerisms? Something about the way you move.”

“The way I move?” Sanghyuk questions, backing up to look down at his own hands.

“Don’t think about it too much, it’s not that big of a deal,” Jaehwan assures him.

“Okay well, I’ll try not to be so youthful in my mannerisms then,” Sanghyuk chuckles and continues pushing past the wall of frozen items.

They nearly make it past the wall of prepared frozen food when one particular door hides colorful cartons behind its see-through doors. “Wait!” Jaehwan blurts out as he sits up on his knees, pointing to the door.

“What?” Sanghyuk asks with big eyes as he backs up for whatever Jaehwan needs.

“Ice cream. I’m so in the mood for ice cream.”

“Oh, that sounds really good actually,” Sanghyuk says and opens the door for both of them to get a closer look, “I have an idea: wanna share a pint when we get back to my place-”

“And watch a movie together like we’re having a sleepover?” Jaehwan says, finishing Sanghyuk’s sentence.

“Exactly,” Sanghyuk replies and opens the freezer, “What flavor do you like?”

“Birthday cake, the one with actual chunks of cake in it,” Jaehwan answers.

“Alright.” Sanghyuk looks in the freezer and finds that there is only one brand with chunks of birthday cake in it, along with chocolate fudge and sprinkles. The cherry on top is that it’s the store brand ice cream so it’s considerably cheaper than normal.

“Is birthday cake your favorite too?” Jaehwan asks when Sanghyuk hands the pint to him.

“No. I like caramel and pecan the most,” Sanghyuk says, continuing to push the cart.

Jaehwan turns the pint over in his hands, looking down at the label. It’s the same brand from his memories, but it’s been so long since he has eaten it that the label is completely different. “If we’re supposed to share this, don’t you want to compromise or something and get your flavor instead?” That’s how it always was in his household. If he wanted birthday cake but his brother wanted cookies and cream and his mom wanted vanilla, then they would just all settle on cookies and cream. He had no problem with cookies and cream but when it’s the only flavor he would ever eat anymore, he became tired of ice cream altogether.

“I don’t need caramel and pecan. Besides, I’ve never tried birthday cake before, so it’ll be something different,” Sanghyuk responds, shrugging with a warm smile that makes Jaehwan believe him. “Also, what kind of compromise means we automatically have to choose _my_ flavor?”

“The one that means you get to have the flavor you like. . . Wait- you’ve never tried it?! You’re going to love it, I swear,” Jaehwan smiles, holding the pint in his lap despite the fact that it might melt quicker that way. “I haven’t had it in years but I’m sure it still tastes the same.”

“I’ll just have to trust you on this, I suppose,” Sanghyuk laughs, the sound lighthearted and airy to Jaehwan’s ears.

Once they get back to Sanghyuk’s dorm, they put the food away in either his refrigerator or throw it without a care into what Sanghyuk named his “pantry box”, which is just a cardboard box leftover from move-in day. Without Sanghyuk needing to say anything, Jaehwan makes himself at home as he gets comfy in Sanghyuk’s bed. The pint of ice cream stings his bare fingertips as he toys with a metal spoon in his mouth, pacifying himself as he tries not to eat it all by himself.

Sanghyuk sets up his computer monitor—which he explains is actually a television monitor—can be seen from the bed. They argue, or rather loudly discuss amid giggles and laughter, over what movie they should watch for their impromptu movie night. Sanghyuk suggests watching a bad horror flick and Jaehwan brings up Big Fish.

It was a film he only saw once in high school across multiple lunch periods. He remembers something magical about the movie, the story itself as well as experiencing it with the only people he felt majorly comfortable around in school. However, his memories of it are jagged and scattered around in his head from the scattered sessions. He can’t even remember the plot anymore. After explaining this to Sanghyuk, that he wants to experience it again properly with the man, Sanghyuk immediately searches for the movie online and pulls it up.

The intro of the film lights up the dark room as Sanghyuk climbs into bed beside Jaehwan with his own spoon. Jaehwan hurriedly pops the lid off, completely indifferent to the top layer of melted ice cream, and scoops into it without hesitation.

Several minutes into the movie and Jaehwan still can’t get over the fact that Sanghyuk uses a T.V. screen in conjunction with his computer. In fact, his entire room is tech savvy and filled with different electronics and devices that he barely recognizes. “Explain to me again why you need two computer monitors?” Jaehwan asks as he scrutinizes Sanghyuk’s desk with his eyes.

“It’s convenient,” Sanghyuk answers and licks some leftover ice cream off his spoon, “Once you go dual monitors you can never go back.”

“But like. . . Why?” Jaehwan doubles down on his question, mindlessly waving his spoon in the air, “Why is it convenient; who _needs_ two computer monitors?”

“Well, it’s great for multitasking and running separate programs. Since I use mine for gaming and multitasking majorly, I had to make sure my GPU could handle it though. I actually built my entire tower, even upgraded the processor once I graduated so I could do all my work and whatever else I want without hiccups,” Sanghyuk says, stringing the words together in a single thought.

“Okay. . . You’re not only talking geek, you’re also talking computer geek and I can’t keep up with anything you’re saying right now.”

“You’re the one who asked!” Sanghyuk laughs and nudges Jaehwan’s leg with his knee.

“Because I wanted to know who needs two computer monitors!” Jaehwan exclaims, “But you’re right, it’s my fault for asking a computer major, I should’ve known what I was getting myself into.”

Sanghyuk reaches across himself to pat Jaehwan’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’ve seen the error of your ways.” Jaehwan huffs and narrows his eyes at Sanghyuk without any real heat in the glare.

They take scoops after one another but the topic of Sanghyuk and his computer system still scratches at his brain. It makes him curious about Sanghyuk’s interests since they’ve never spoken on it before. “What got you into computers anyways?”

“You’re asking me—a human being born after the turn of the new-age millennium—what got me into computers? I live in the twenty-first century, we’re surrounded by computers, every aspect of our lives is affected by computers, so much so people were planning for Armageddon in 1999. It would be weird if I wasn’t into computers,” Sanghyuk claims.

“You could have said all that without insulting me—a person who doesn’t give a fuck about computers. I don’t understand them, they crash when you need them the most and shit freezes and gets lost, and-and hackers!” Jaehwan’s eyes widen as he remembers the one time he saw a YouTube video where the host interviewed a real hacker.

“That’s why you have people like me to help the inept like you.”

“Insulting!”

“Okay,” Sanghyuk interjects, the movie now just background noise to their conversation, “How about something you’re interested in. What made you major in art? I’m sure it would be a much more exhilarating story than what I had to tell.”

“Okay, get ready for it,” Sanghyuk stares, fixated on Jaehwan with a spoon in his mouth. “Here comes the amazing story,” Jaehwan pauses, “My life-changing story is that. . . it’s the only thing I’m good at.” He sticks his spoon straight out in the air like he’s cheering, with a fake smile to match.

“Bologna.”

“Bologna?” Jaehwan drops his arm.

“Bologna.”

Jaehwan’s eyes narrow on Sanghyuk again, genuinely agitated now and gets on his knees to look down at him. “No, stop saying bologna. You’re so much better at speaking than I am, your response can’t just be bologna. In fact,” he falls back onto the bed, practically landing on Sanghyuk’s arm in his new position, “I reject your response, find another one.”

“Well I’m sorry, but it’s the only response I got,” Sanghyuk pulls his arm out from the crevice between their bodies and lays it across the top of Jaehwan’s pillow instead. “Wait, there’s also ‘bullshit’, yeah that one works too.”

“Why is it bullshit?”

“There’s no way that it’s the ‘only’ thing you’re good at. I don’t believe you at all. I don’t doubt you’re amazing at what you do, but I’m also sure you have other talents you’re oblivious to and trying to be humble about.”

Jaehwan shoves his spoon in the soft cream as he listens to Sanghyuk. “You’re so wrong,” he comments, “Trust me, if I was good at anything, literally anything else, I would have to major in that instead. The only reason I was ever allowed to focus on fine art was that my parents actually gave up a long time ago to push all the stereotypical Asian degrees on me.”

The ice cream melts around his spoon as he thinks back to all the arguments around his test scores. “Kind of hard trying to get into pre-med or law when you have C’s and D’s littering your transcript when it doesn’t pertain to art or theater.”

“Of course, you were a theater kid,” Sanghyuk replies.

“Not really. I just liked the class; I didn’t actually act or participate in any of the plays. The last thing I wanted to tell my mom was that I’ll be skipping around on stage in makeup. I just sort of... hung around all the legit theater kids during lunch and P.E.”

“Honestly, maybe it’s none of my business, but,” Sanghyuk says, “it sounds like you have some relationship with your parents.”

Jaehwan tilts his head back against Sanghyuk’s arm to look at him. “I mean, they’re parents? What else am I supposed to say about them?”

“Ask me what I think about my parents,” Sanghyuk says as he returns Jaehwan’s gaze.

“Okay. . . what do you think about your parents?”

“For starters, my mom is great,” Sanghyuk begins, “She's my biggest supporter. She’s done so much for me and I would be nowhere and be nothing without her. My dad definitely supports what I want to do and I can tell he tries to follow my mom’s lead when it comes to the things he’s pretty old-fashioned about.” Jaehwan mouths the word ‘gay’, not wanting to interrupt Sanghyuk’s story, and he just chuckles while nodding. “Yeah. I’m still grateful for how much he’s changed his ways for me, especially compared to other parents. There’s no questioning how much they love much, and I’m downright spoiled at this point so I try to do the best I can for them. Now,” Sanghyuk holds Jaehwan’s shoulder, shaking him a little, “What do you think about your parents?”

Jaehwan’s mouth is left agape after hearing what was practically a speech. Everything he could have possibly said about his parents, which wasn’t much to begin with, completely left his mind. “Well they are, you know, parents. Of course, they love me, and I love them. I don’t have to go into detail.” Jaehwan turns back to the movie, feeling himself sinking down further into the bed.

“I didn’t go into detail either.”

“It’s different with me though,” Jaehwan utters as the images on screen flash against his eyes. Solely from the way Sanghyuk talked about his parents, Jaehwan already knows how opposite their situations are. “You’re obviously a great son so your parents are probably really appreciative of that as well. Me, on the other hand, I haven’t always been good to my family.” He can tell Sanghyuk was the type of son he always aspired to be to please those around him, yet he was never capable of it.

“Are you saying you were a bad son? You’re talking about you as a child, right?” Sanghyuk sits up, looking down at Jaehwan though he refuses to make eye contact.

“Yes.”

“How- how is it possible to be a bad son?”

“This is just something else you’re gonna have to trust me on.”

“Jae,” Sanghyuk retorts and pulls Jaehwan back, forcing them to look at each other, “I can trust you on birthday cake being a euphoric ice cream flavor; I don’t think I can fully trust that you were a _bad child_ who had little talents.”

“If you don’t believe me, that’s on you.”

Sanghyuk gapes at him for a second but Jaehwan doesn’t let it faze his mindset. He can tell Sanghyuk wants to continue challenging him on this, but there’s no way he would understand, not without experiencing Jaehwan’s childhood himself. A sort of realization flashes across Sanghyuk’s face as he leans back against his headboard, that nothing he says will change Jaehwan’s mind.

“Maybe. . . we should change the topic?”

“That would be great.”

Jaehwan goes back to scooping ice cream out to eat instead of leaving it to melt. “Okay, I have the perfect topic,” Sanghyuk speaks up, “I know I dog on Hongbin-”

“Yes.”

“That, uh, wasn’t a question,” Sanghyuk counters, thrown off guard by the disruption. “Anyways, I know I dog on Hongbin a lot, why don’t you tell me what you like about him?”

“Really?” Jaehwan marvels, and he’s the one to sit up now, “You’re gonna sit here and listen to me rant about Hongbin?”

“I’m actually lying here, but yes, I will gladly listen to you rant.”

“Same difference, Baseball-Mitt-for-Hands,” Jaehwan jests.

“That’s highly uncalled for. Don’t make me retract what I just said.”

“It’s a term of endearment, chill,” Jaehwan chuckles as he leans back into the space between the pillow and Sanghyuk’s arm. “Oh where do I start. First, he just radiates intelligence. Like when you can just tell from the way somebody walks, how they keep their head held high and shoulders rolled back that talking to them will make you feel just absolutely dumb. Like, forget your own last name dumb. That’s so fucking hot to me.” He can hear Sanghyuk snicker beside his head without having to look.

“Also, he’s good at everything I’m not, which is about everything. He’s truly the perfect guy to bring home and show off to my parents. And that’s without mentioning how he’s basically a walking artifact from the Parthenon.”

“That’s. . . something,” Sanghyuk comments.

“Ain’t it?”

“I can’t believe you’re already thinking about showing him off to your parents. Scratch that, I can, it’s just that I don’t want to,” Sanghyuk says as he sneaks a scoop from what might as well be considered Jaehwan’s ice cream now.

“I thought you were trying to be nice.”

“Trying is the keyword. Do your parents normally have a say on who you should or shouldn’t date?”

“No, they don’t have a say, but I care about their opinion. I want the person I chose to date to make my parents proud of me, otherwise, I’ll just be a fool. Isn’t it the same for you?” Jaehwan asks, shoving another bite in his mouth.

“I suppose. I mean, it’s not the first thing to come to mind,” Sanghyuk notes. Jaehwan can hear in his voice the want to contest his thoughts and he’s just glad Sanghyuk decided against it.

“As I said before, you’re a good son,” Jaehwan says and pats Sanghyuk’s thigh, “Anybody you choose to date would probably be good enough.”

“Yeah,” Sanghyuk voices, “Probably.”

They’re nearly two hours into the movie and Jaehwan hopes that it’s almost over because he can barely keep his eyes open anymore. It doesn’t help Sanghyuk’s blankets seem to be softer than his own, warmed by Sanghyuk’s body. His head nods back against Sanghyuk’s arm and he accepts the fact that his brain is begging for sleep.

“I can feel myself dozing off, it’s the darn ice cream,” he speaks up and nuzzles the blanket under his chin. He didn’t realize before when he was surrounded by the aroma of birthday cake, but even this blanket has the mysterious citrus smell.

“That’s what comfort food does to you.”

The more he wallows in the coziness of the blanket gifted by Sanghyuk, the more his legs don’t want to work. “Do you mind if I crash here? I don’t feel like walking all the way back to my apartment,” he asks, hoping Sanghyuk won’t say no because he’s staying in the comfort of Sanghyuk’s bed regardless.

“I didn’t think we were having a real sleepover.” Jaehwan glares at Sanghyuk who can’t even keep a straight face. “I’m kidding. Yeah, that’s more than fine. Let me get you something to sleep in.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Jaehwan says, though Sanghyuk is already rummaging through his dresser drawers.

Sanghyuk looks back at him, sweatpants in hand, as he confronts him. “You’re telling me you’d rather willingly sleep in jeans than whatever pajamas I can get you?”

“I was just trying to be cordial,” Jaehwan professes, his voice quiet but still able to hear in the small room.

“Cordial my ass,” Sanghyuk throws the pair of pants and a black graphic t-shirt on the bed in front of Jaehwan, “Use that on somebody who doesn’t know you.”

“Rude! You don’t know shit,” Jaehwan grumbles and grabs the temporary pajamas as he gets off the bed.

“I know more than you think I do.”

Jaehwan unbuttons his pants, pushing them down his hips with Sanghyuk standing right there. He guesses he should probably find it weird to undress in front of Sanghyuk, but there’s also a hint of normalcy between them. Even Sanghyuk shows it’s not a big deal as he lounges on the bed. “What’s my favorite color, then?”

“Pink.”

“What the fuck, how do you know that!” Jaehwan shouts, his shirt clinging off his arm and neck. Sanghyuk shows him that stupid smirk and Jaehwan takes a second to imagine him throwing the shirt at his face. 

“You wore a pink hoodie when you tried to fuck Hongbin the night we met. Pink isn’t a common color among men to wear, and for you to wear pink when trying to get dick means you’re confident or comfortable in pink, which I deduced means it’s probably your favorite color.”

“Fucking computer geek, I hate your brain.”

“I thought you loved intellect?”

“On Hongbin. It’s just annoying on you,” Jaehwan answers, completely dressed in Sanghyuk’s clothes. He’s used to wearing clothes that are a few sizes too big for his torso, but now he’s just surrounded by an obscenely amounts of fabrics. He quickly climbs into the bed before the sweatpants have a chance to fall off his hips.

“What kind of double standard—I thought we were friends,” Sanghyuk gasps.

“Sometimes,” Jaehwan digs his feet under the blanket, “Right now is not one of those times.”

“Oh, so I can just kick you out since we’re not friends ‘right now’,” Sanghyuk snickers, props his head up with his hand.

“No!” Jaehwan blurts out, “I take it back, I’m sorry.” He’s pouting but doesn’t even know if Sanghyuk can tell with the blanket pulled up over his nose.

Sanghyuk pulls the blanket down as he reaches to lightly tug on Jaehwan’s cheek. “I can’t stay mad at that face. How are you so adorable?”

“Because every other red moon, I sacrifice a basket of fresh babies and puppies to the overloads and ingest their spirits as the roast on the altar.”

“Cute.”

“Thanks.” Jaehwan sticks his tongue at the man.

He can hear Sanghyuk’s laugh vibrating behind him as he turns over in bed, rumbling through his chest. It’s contagious as it carries through him and makes him smile. This wasn’t something he expected when he opened himself up to seeking Sanghyuk’s friendship. He didn’t quite know what to expect at all. Yet somehow, Sanghyuk feels like the missing piece of comfort he found in a completely new environment.

He was never completely a loner, at least not in high school, but transferring to a different school far from everything he knows has been rocky. Even trying to get closer to Hongbin has proven to be quite a challenge, but with Sanghyuk, they just _work_ together, the missing puzzle piece to each other’s lives. He feels himself losing track of his thoughts and time as Sanghyuk shuffles behind him.

He hears Sanghyuk whisper goodnight and he fights to keep the corners of his lips from turning up.

* * *

It’s the very next night, and it’s no surprise that Jaehwan receives another text from Hongbin. It’s the only kind of text he ever gets from Hongbin but it excites him, all the same, every time.

He walks up to Hongbin’s all too familiar door. He’s been called here so much recently that he could possibly walk the midnight path up to Hongbin’s door blindfolded. Every time he takes that deep breath before knocking on the yellow wood, he feels the same unsettling tingle in his stomach. The kind he gets on the boardwalk ride that holds him upside down for a good ten seconds before face-planting him towards the ground. 

The walk to the door may be the same, but what happens behind him is always something different and never what he wants. Sometimes he’s allowed to feel Hongbin’s hands through his hair as he knees ache against the hard floors, but today, he’s not going to settle for less when he knows he’s capable of getting more.

He can see it on Hongbin’s face every so often, that he has to physically force himself to stop them from going further. Jaehwan doesn’t know why Hongbin would hold himself back when they could just be together. However, he’s tired of keeping their relationship at a standstill. He’s going to make tonight different this time.

He knocks on the door as he tugs at his bottom lip with his teeth. Before Hongbin can pull the door open, Jaehwan bounces on the heels of his feet to let the jitters out of his system. He can barely keep still but tries to hide that fact once he sees Hongbin’s face appear behind the door.

“Come in,” Hongbin says and makes room for Jaehwan to walk inside. Yet, before taking a step into the room, Jaehwan asserts himself as he slips his arms around Hongbin’s neck to press their bodies together in a hug.

“I don’t even get a hi?” Jaehwan speaks softly into Hongbin’s clavicle. It takes a second until Hongbin reciprocates the hug and wraps his arms around Jaehwan’s waist.

“Hello Jaehwan,” Hongbin snickers and pulls away, not giving Jaehwan a moment to indulge in the hold between them.

“Hello Hongbin,” Jaehwan mocks.

The door closes with a resonant thud and Jaehwan settles himself in by sitting on the edge of Hongbin’s desk. He lets his eyes wander away from Hongbin’s physique to look at what appears to be an online textbook and an open journal next to it.

“Were you in the middle of homework?” Jaehwan asks, folding his legs over each other so he’s completely sitting on the desk.

“I was just studying,” Hongbin answers and walks over to the desk to close the laptop.

“Need help?”

Hongbin laughs again at his question, though Jaehwan isn’t sure what was so funny. “No, that’s quite alright, I was about done anyway,” Hongbin remarks as he rubs his hands on Jaehwan’s bare knee, “Besides, I doubt you would know much about the history of urban planning.”

“I don’t have to actually know about whatever it is you’re studying. I’m sure you know that repeating information you’ve learned is a very effective studying strategy,” Jaehwan says, poking Hongbin’s hands. Jaehwan throws the words at Hongbin, knowing that he should remember telling Jaehwan the exact same thing when they first started their tutoring sessions.

“You…have a point,” Hongbin admits.

Jaehwan unfolds his legs so they’re dangling on either side of Hongbin. Hongbin hooks his fingers under Jaehwan’s knees and Jaehwan tries not to let his mind race at all the possibilities their current position presents.

“I didn’t even ask,” Hongbin speaks up as he pulls Jaehwan closer, “Tell me, how did you spend your day today?”

Jaehwan can feel his heart beat faster in his chest from how close they are. The beating is so loud that he was barely able to comprehend Hongbin’s question. “It was fine,” he musters to say.

“I asked how,” Hongbin repeats and Jaehwan’s eyes stay focused on Hongbin’s lips as he swears they’re inching closer to his.

“Oh, uh,” Jaehwan stutters and brings himself to actually look up at Hongbin’s eyes, “I just, I just completed some assignments.” He’s so flustered that he forgets to reflect the question back at Hongbin like a courteous human being who’s not thinking about the weight of Hongbin’s dick on his tongue.

“That reminds me, you haven’t asked for my help in a while. I would think my guidance could have been beneficial to the project due Monday,” Hongbin says and the heat that Jaehwan felt slowly rising in his face leaves just as quickly as it came. It’s past midnight and he’s in Hongbin’s room with the man between his legs and they’re still talking about homework of all things.

“I think I handled it just fine,” Jaehwan says, a little too under his breath as Hongbin lets go of his legs. His skin feels cold where Hongbin’s touch was.

“I’m sure you did, however, there is a difference between getting a B and an A, now is there?” Hongbin says and walks away from Jaehwan, still facing him as he sits there alone on the desk. Their eye contact breaks as Hongbin moves some books off his bed and sets them on the nightstand so he can sit.

Jaehwan’s stuck on the desk as he feels a rush of embarrassment shoot through his veins. He can’t even tell if it’s from Hongbin assuming he can’t get good grades on his own or that he very obviously thought Hongbin was initiating something between them. Of course, Hongbin wouldn’t bring himself to do anything more than simple touches, Jaehwan thinks. Jaehwan’s own false assertion that anything else could happen makes him irrationally upset.

“You know, I probably would’ve asked for your help if we were able to spend more time together,” Jaehwan grumbles. “Why do you only want me to come over at this time, instead of when the sun is out?” he asks without thinking.

“I call you over whenever I have free time, Jaehwan. I can always stop inviting you over if that’s a problem,” Hongbin asserts.

“No!” Jaehwan yelps and jumps down. He makes his way over to Hongbin on the bed and says much quieter this time, “I just wanted to know why.”

He sits across from Hongbin, though not too close since he’s already oozing enough desperation out from his pores. “What are you reading?” Jaehwan points to the book on the nightstand, wanting to badly change the course of conversation. It always takes work on his end to make a thriving discussion and sometimes that’s exactly what it feels like: work. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that he wants to spend time with Hongbin.

“This?” Hongbin says and leisurely picks it up to inspect the cover then drop it again, “It’s a self-help book I was recommended.”

Hongbin continues to talk about the aspects of the book that have been heavy on his mind. Jaehwan tries to pay attention, or at least appear interested in what Hongbin is saying, but it all flies over his head. He’s passed the point of showing Hongbin how attentive he is to Hongbin’s life and having these mundane conversations. The book was just an easy distraction—for both him and Hongbin—from his obvious utter need.

He thinks back to the ludicrous confidence he had outside. He was so sure that he would be able to get his relationship with Hongbin somewhere further today, yet he’s too abashed to say what he wants now. Hongbin flips through a couple of pages in the book, still talking about it as Jaehwan stays inside his head. As foolish as it may have been before, Jaehwan needs to remind himself of what he was telling himself earlier if he’s going to be heard.

“You know,” Jaehwan speaks up as he takes the book from Hongbin’s hands. “As much as I love hearing you talk, I didn’t really come here to talk about architecture and…” he glances down at the book cover, “And how to better productivity?”

Hongbin chuckles and his eyes follow the book as Jaehwan snatches it out of his hand to toss it haphazardly across the room. “No, I don’t believe you did. So tell me, what was the real reason then?” His eyes return to meet Jaehwan’s gaze, who’s now on all fours crawling towards him.

Jaehwan can hear his heartbeat as though it were inside his head. His body reacts before his mind has a say. If Hongbin reciprocates what he’s feeling, he doesn’t know how he’ll keep himself from falling apart from all the joy and excitement that already beginning to stir within him.

“You,” he answers.

“That much is obvious,” Hongbin comments.

“I’m serious,” Jaehwan says. The whine he hears in his own voice doesn’t even surprise him. “Don’t you want me too?”

Hongbin lifts Jaehwan by the chin, and Jaehwan can feel the warmth of his breath against his lips. It leaves a tingle along his skin like his favorite mint lip balm. “I’m sure that’s something you already know,” the words ghost along his mouth and Jaehwan wants to kiss him right then and there.

“Knowing and hearing it are two different things,” Jaehwan tells him as he stares at his lips, dripping in temptation.

Without answering, Hongbin pulls him closer and gives him what he’s been hungering for. The kiss starts out as something tender and passionate as their lips meld together and Jaehwan adjusts himself to nearly sit in Hongbin’s lap. He slips his tongue in Hongbin’s mouth and it becomes sloppy between them as Jaehwan runs his fingers through Hongbin’s hair. He grips Hongbin’s hair at the roots and presses himself closer as if they could get any closer. Shivers go up his back as he feels Hongbin’s fingers brush against the skin of his lower back.

Jaehwan’s mind races in all directions and he can’t keep up with any of the thoughts. All he can focus on is the way Hongbin tastes against his tongue and how his dull fingernails feel scratching his skin. The kiss finally breaks as Hongbin pulls away and speaks into Jaehwan’s ear while he recovers lost oxygen.

“Does this answer your question?” Hongbin says, the words hot in his ear.

“No.” Jaehwan’s hands drop to the bottom of Hongbin’s shirt and he clutches the fabric. “I need to hear you say it.”

There’s a sigh before Hongbin takes Jaehwan’s lips again and wraps his arms around his waist. It’s enough to momentarily divert Jaehwan’s attention. However, it’s not for long at all until Jaehwan whines in Hongbin’s mouth as he twists the shirt in his fists.

“I want this,” Hongbin says, nearly moaning into the kiss, “I want to feel your body, I want you to beg for me, I want—”

Before Hongbin can finish what he was saying, Jaehwan practically throws himself at the man as he fully climbs into his lap which accidentally pushes Hongbin back into the bed. Hongbin’s bright laughter rings throughout the room and Jaehwan can’t help but smile against his lips. Just like that, it feels like they’ve started something together.

“You have no idea how bad I’ve wanted this,” Jaehwan whispers and leaves a trail of wet kisses along his neck. As Jaehwan teeth graze the delicate skin, Hongbin’s hand settles on the curve of his ass.

“What did I say about leaving hickeys?” Hongbin warns, giving Jaehwan’s ass a squeeze.

“I won’t,” Jaehwan assures him with a pout.

Jaehwan pulls back just in case he might get carried away and feels awe looking down at Hongbin. They’ve barely started and Jaehwan’s breath is already getting lost in his throat at the sight of Hongbin’s blown-out pupils staring back at him. The pure desire that’s unmistakable on Hongbin’s face stirs the arousal in Jaehwan. His hands scramble to pull Hongbin’s shirt up and gets it to come completely off with Hongbin’s help.

No second later does Jaehwan dive down and licks up one of his nipples, knowing how sensitive they are. He’s rewarded by the husky moan above him and continues to suck on it. For some reason, Hongbin’s still wearing a belt at this time of night and Jaehwan fumbles to unbuckle it. He succeeds without looking while rolling the perky nub with the tip of his tongue.

Jaehwan teases the other nipple and feels Hongbin harden underneath him. Every time Hongbin hardens for him, because of him, a hint of pride swells in him. It only eggs him on further.

He tries to tug Hongbin’s jeans off him and fails despite Hongbin lifting his butt in the air to help. Instead, Hongbin takes it upon himself to get off the bed and rids himself of the uncomfortable pants, nearly tripping over his own feet from rushing. A laugh escapes Jaehwan as he pulls Hongbin back to the bed.

“Sit…right here,” he demands, hearing his voice drop in pitch from arousal. He pushes Hongbin by his broad shoulders down onto the bed, even though he should be physically incapable of doing such an act. Hongbin widens his legs for Jaehwan as he sinks down onto his knees and faces Hongbin’s hardened length through his boxers.

It’s ridiculous how Jaehwan feels his mouth salivating from the sheer thought of having it in his mouth and hearing Hongbin’s moans of satisfaction. He can already hear Hongbin’s breathing getting heavier by the second as he mouths the tent. It’s both different and strangely familiar as Jaehwan gets rid of the last article of clothing and takes Hongbin in his mouth. He knows just what to do to make Hongbin claw at his scalp, to hear those string of curses as he sucks down to the base of his cock. Yet, knowing that this will lead to something different, that Hongbin might give him everything, is the one thing fueling him to make this better than all the other times before. The last thing he wants is for Hongbin to regret this.

“Fuck, Jaehwan,” Hongbin gasps as Jaehwan tongues the slit of his cock. “Shit, babe, you’re going to make me come.” The pet-name rolls off his tongue, something he only says when he gets close to coming. And Jaehwan cherishes it every time, adding them together like a collection in his heart.

Jaehwan backs up and wipes the spit dripping off his bottom lip with the back of his hand. Hongbin takes him by the same hand and pulls him up, “Let me see how beautiful you are.”

It’s then that Jaehwan feels like he might crumble into a million pieces, all belonging to Hongbin. His mind is torn between ripping the clothes off his body just to give Hongbin everything as quickly as he can or taking his time and truly bask in Hongbin calling his body beautiful. Hongbin makes up his mind for him and stands up to pull Jaehwan’s black hoodie over his head, exposing his stomach—soft compared to the chiseled abs that Hongbin keeps.

“So pretty,” Hongbin comments to himself and peppers Jaehwan’s shoulder with kisses. Rose blooms across Jaehwan’s face as he’s overwhelmed with the compliments.

“How pretty?” Jaehwan challenges, biting down on his lip as he meets Hongbin’s eyes.

“So, so fucking pretty,” Hongbin sneaks his hands underneath Jaehwan’s joggers, giving his ass another squeeze before sliding them down, briefs and all.

Jaehwan slips his hand between them, fisting Hongbin’s length as he continues to hold eye contact. He watches Hongbin stop breathing for a second as he swipes his thumb across the head of his cock. Hongbin holds out his hand to him. “Spit.” Jaehwan complies, spitting in the palm in front of him before Hongbin mirrors him. He nearly cries out at the touch of Hongbin stroking him.

Sweat beads around his forehead he takes in Hongbin, panting and sweating and wanting. All for him. He wants to capture the image in his head so he can come back to it at any point in time when he’s longing for Hongbin. And still, it’s far from enough.

Hongbin seems to understand without him saying anything. The impatience wears thin on Jaehwan as he whines again in front of the man, wanting more, ready for more.

“Hongbin, please,” he utters and doesn’t know why. A smirk graces Hongbin’s face and he picks Jaehwan up by the thighs. Instinctively, he wraps his legs around Hongbin’s hips, never wanting to let go and he feels like he’s living in some sort of gay fairytale. The moment right after they get married and wave bye to the rest of the kingdom before sneaking into the castle to do all the dirty stuff they don’t talk about in fairytales. Except, they don’t need to be married.

They’re on the bed again and Hongbin weighs heavy on top of him and he loves every bit of it. He feels vulnerable, pliant, and completely at the mercy of Hongbin and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Hongbin reaches over him to grab the lube and condom out from the bottom shelf of the nightstand. The hair all over his body stands on end just from the thought of Hongbin’s fingers working him open, of his cock filling him completely. The thought alone makes his legs spread wide open and Hongbin settles between them.

He lifts himself up to watch Hongbin squeeze the small bottle to warm it up before squirting it on his fingers. Even though he watches it happen, he still jumps as Hongbin’s fingers ghost over his hole.

“Is it still cold?” Hongbin asks him, rubbing the pads of two fingers against the tight rim.

“No, no,” Jaehwan says, shaking his head harder than he needs to, “I-It’s fine.” His voice comes out in a small squeak and he throws his head back into the pillow.

Hongbin takes his time, too much time. His wet fingers trace over Jaehwan’s balls down his perineum—which Jaehwan was barely able to keep in a scream as his back arched off the mattress—and circles Jaehwan’s hole.

“Hongbin!” Jaehwan shrieks then quickly covers his mouth, not expecting his voice to come out that loud, “I can’t take it anymore, please, please.”

“Alright, babe,” Hongbin says and Jaehwan frowns at the amusement in his tone. It catches him off guard when Hongbin pushes a finger in and he lets out a guttural sound he doesn’t recognize from the intrusion. He works the finger in and out of his hole and Jaehwan’s hands fight with themselves as they repeatedly go from spreading his ass open and gripping Hongbin’s shoulder or the sheets. It becomes nearly too much when Hongbin adds another and his body squirms along the mattress. Hongbin has to hold him down by the hips to continue prepping him.

Hongbin leans down to his ear, asking him if he’s ready and Jaehwan can only nod as an answer. There’s more lube and Hongbin lines himself up. Jaehwan is as ready as he can be, but nothing could’ve prepared him for how it felt to be filled by Hongbin. His mind clouds with the burn of being stretched and the pleasure of Hongbin’s heavy, sweaty body encompassing all of him. The burn fizzles to something sweet as Hongbin thrusts into him, slow and measured as he stares down at Jaehwan between the clumps of damp bangs.

Jaehwan pulls him down by the neck and kisses him with mostly tongue. The strokes speed up and Hongbin’s hips slap harder against his. Jaehwan can barely take it as he claws at Hongbin’s triceps. Hongbin mumbles in Jaehwan’s ear, calling him sexy, praising how tight he is and Jaehwan swallows everything he says.

With every thrust, Jaehwan becomes more unabashed, more revealing as he begs Hongbin to fuck him more and moans without a filter. Hongbin brushes his thumb over Jaehwan’s mouth and Jaehwan takes it between his lips not a second later. Just like that, the room becomes less loud as he sucks on the finger.

His body moves by itself, in time with Hongbin, chasing closer to his orgasm. He feels himself shaking before he even comes and he holds onto Hongbin for some form of stability.

“Come for me, Jaehwan,” Hongbin directs, slipping his hand down to the curve of Jaehwan’s waist. “Are you going to come for me?”

“Yes, yes,” Jaehwan moans with his eyes closed. There’s a couple of more strokes until Hongbin moves his body just right and he brushes against that perfect spot. He grunts so loud but he doesn’t hear himself as the sweet spot takes over all his senses. More carefully angled thrusts and Jaehwan screams as he clutches onto Hongbin for dear life.

He barely notices Hongbin pulling out, save for the cold, empty residual feeling left in place of his dick, as his body violently shakes underneath the man. He also doesn’t notice when Hongbin gets rid of the condom and kneels at Jaehwan’s face.

“Suck for me.” The words barely get through to him but when his eyes flutter open to see Hongbin holding his cock at his lips, he doesn’t have to think to wrap his lips around the length.

Hongbin lets him set the pace as he bobs his head along the shaft and rubs his tongue against the underside. It’s second nature to gently squeeze his balls just the way he likes it as he sucks on the head. It doesn’t take long until Hongbin pulls out, losing his breath as he leaves traces of white come along Jaehwan’s jaw and neck. It’s sticky against his neck but he still wears it like the finest piece of jewelry.

There’s faint recognition of Hongbin leaving him on the bed before wiping him clean. He doesn’t process what the wet cloth is that’s wiping his skin or where it came from, but he lies there pliant for Hongbin anyways.

Slowly, the glow wears off and he opens his eyes, not realizing they were closed, and turns on his side to find Hongbin standing in some sweatpants. He’s fidgeting with some sort of wooden digital alarm clocks that Jaehwan has only seen in room inspiration photos online before their eyes catch each other.

“I thought you were dozing off,” Hongbin comments and gathers the pool of Jaehwan’s clothes off the ground.

“I probably was,” Jaehwan replies, not being able to recall the last three minutes. The hem of Hongbin’s sweatpants cling low on his hips, showing that he’s not wearing underwear, and Jaehwan feels like he could easily do it all again.

“You were so good,” Hongbin praises with a hushed whisper as he leans in to kiss Jaehwan and hands him his clothes. “Do you think you can make it home okay?”

The question comes as a shock to Jaehwan. He stutters for a second, not knowing how to answer it. He just assumed that he was invited to stay the night and now he can’t bring himself to ask if that was ever an option in the first place. “Yeah, of course,” he manages to say.

His body swells with disappointment and he can’t tell who or where it’s directed at. He questions himself if he was actually good enough for Hongbin or even if Hongbin actually enjoyed being with him.

“Good,” Hongbin surmises and shows him that smile he first fell for. It erases all the negativity inside him, cleaning his mind like a chalkboard. It’s clear as day that he would do anything for that man just to see that smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was not supposed to be 8k words but here we are .-.  
> Beta'd by @clymnestrasrevenge
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed!  
> Leave a comment and kudos and catch me on twt @taekwoncheeks


	4. Everybody's Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't believe Miss Rona forced my ass to be productive for once...  
> After waves of inspiration coming and going, I finally got the surge I needed this week to finish this damn chapter and update the story.  
> I hope you guys didn't forget about Blooming since this literally took me forever but  
> I sorta have hopes that I may get chapters out a little bit quicker now

A backpack strap slips off Jaehwan’s shoulder as he barges his way out the lecture room door. As he strides past brick after boring brick with students brushing against his shoulder as if his pace isn’t fast enough, thoughts from last night filter back into his brain. After rushing in the morning—nearly toppling over from racing to get his pants on—and a day of back to back classes, he didn’t even have the chance to bask in the afterglow. Now he can barely recall the goosebumps that scattered across his skin from Hongbin’s touch. Yet, there’s no fussing over small details like that when, once again, he woke up in Hongbin’s dorm (alone). Snuggling underneath Hongbin’s sheets. Breathing in Hongbin’s scent through Hongbin’s pillows. If only he could wake up next to Hongbin too.

If it was Tuesday, Jaehwan could even see Hongbin’s pretty little ass in the front of his morning class. He’ll be ignoring whatever the professor was spewing as he stares at Hongbin’s fluffy brown hair. He’ll daydream of them two, of him being Hongbin’s and Hongbin being his. Nobody would expect that the one who came out of Hongbin's bed that morning was Jaehwan. And that little fact makes Jaehwan smile more than anything else.

The smile fades from Jaehwan’s face as the buzzing of his phone pierces through his mind.

“Who the hell is calling me?” he mumbles to himself as he digs his vibrating phone out of his pocket.

 _No_.

His eyes bulge as realization drapes over him. It’s not possible that he forgot…yet his caller ID isn’t lying to him.

_Mommy Dearest._

Rather than dare to keep her waiting, he answers it as quickly as he can. No more than a second after answering does he throw the hood of his hoodie over his head, drowning himself in as much dark comfort as he can.

“Hello, Mother?” he answers. He curses the fact that his voice fails him, giving away how nervous he is. There’s only one reason she would call him so abruptly.

“Where have you been? I was expecting your call yesterday.” Her voice, dreary and flat, surrounds him like they were standing in the same room.

“Sorry, I was uh…I was a little busy yesterday, it being the weekend and all,” he slips out.

“Don’t try to be smart with me, Jaehwan, just because you’re away. We both agreed that you could go to university all the way out there”—she states as if they’re states apart—“if you promised to make these weekly check-ins. So far, you’re not keeping your promise. This is the second time you didn’t call.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I’ll do better,” Jaehwan says, pulling on the string of his hoodie as a group of people walk past him. It’s embarrassing turning into a small child on the phone while out in public. The least she could do was have the decency to wait until he was in the comfort of his own apartment. He almost lets a chuckle slip out at the thought that she would probably just argue it was _his father’s_ apartment.

“I don’t care about what you say you’ll do. That doesn’t mean anything if you don’t keep your word, now does it?”

“It doesn’t, yes I know. But I’m serious, it won’t happen again.”

“If you say so Jaehwan.” Jaehwan shuts his eyes for a moment. It’s only a small hazard as he crosses the road. He can clearly picture the look on his mother’s face. Not so much disappointment, just the sheer knowledge of her low expectations being correct.

He knows that’s not the end of the conversation. It won’t be the end, ever, until Jaehwan moves back to his hometown and attends a university there under the eyes of his parents. But he’ll be damned if he has to go back.

Home is just a dry patch of soil for him. They water and water him, but he can’t bloom. He went limp under their artificial light, unable to reach out to the sun. No matter how much they hold and cradle him and touch his leaves, he can’t flourish.

Now he’s finally found the sun.

His feet crush the grass as he walks to his bus stop. What his mother doesn’t know is that he’s becoming the image he’s always pictured for himself out here. He’s not struggling to be his parent’s poster child—though his sister has already filled that spot. On his own two feet he found Hongbin…and even Sanghyuk. There was no need to paint himself in gold for them. And if his mother saw, she wouldn’t believe with her eyes what he’s capable of. So he’ll force her to take notice.

“Mother?” Jaehwan utters.

“Yes, Jaehwan?”

“There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“Go ahead.”

“There’s this guy…”

“A _guy_ , Jaehwan?” his mother spits back at him and he physically flinches.

“I know, I know, but I’m serious. You would like him. He’s really intelligent and ambitious and…he’s-he’s, he’s like Mrs. Park’s son. What was his name again, uh Kyung, remember?” Jaehwan blurts out, remembering the valedictorian of his high school who his mom always suggested he get tutoring sessions from. Funny how things come full circle. “He’s an architecture major from a good family and I really think you and Dad would like him.”

“So, you’re telling me,” she pauses, “that you’re losing track of your priorities for a boy who’s focused on his own degree and career? You hear how backward that sounds, correct?”

“No, Mother, it’s not like that at all. I’m still keeping up with my studies, especially since he’s my tutor.

“You’re fraternizing with your tutor?”

“No, no, Mother it’s not like that.” It’s exactly like that.

“Jaehwan, I would love it so much if you didn’t throw yourself at boys.”

“Mother,” Jaehwan says, growing ever so frustrated as he stops in the middle of the field, “you’re not understanding. I really like him. It’s like how I grew up hearing stories of how you and Dad met in college and how he proposed to you in senior year. Remember? That’s what this could be. And I’m serious, just like you two were, and I just wanted to let you know and check-in like I’m supposed to.”

A sigh blows on the other side on the phone, slapping him in the face. “‘ _Serious_ ’, you say? Have you forgotten that you’re my son? I know exactly how you are. You just went and acquired another fling while you’re alone _out there_. If you’re so serious, how does this boy feel about you?”

“Um…I-”

“A crush, Jaehwan. That’s what this is. Quit it and focus on school. Besides, if he is as you describe him to be, he’ll likely pay no attention to you. I’m sorry to say it, but it’s the cold truth and I’d rather you hear it from me now than embarrass yourself should you continue acting the way you are.”

“That’s not true,” Jaehwan says under his breath through gritted teeth as he tugs on his hoodie string until it doesn’t go any further.

“If you say so, Jaehwan. I’m ending this conversation now. Go about your day and try not to make a fool of yourself, please.”

“Yes, Mother,” Jaehwan stresses.

The phone call ends with a click and Jaehwan wants to crush the metal device in his fist. Pummel it to nothing but wires and shattered glass and dust in his clutch as if he had superpowers. Even if he could, his mother still wouldn’t believe him. He could bring the Student Union Building in front of him to rubble and he would hear, “If you say so, Jaehwan.”

It’s not as if he can’t blame her though, as much as he wants to think that she’s being unreasonable. He did nothing but play around as a teenager and sneak around once he went to university under the delusion that he was free. He’ll show her though. What’s between him and Hongbin is as real as can be. There’s no one for each other but them.

Once they meet though, Hongbin and his mother, everything will change. He can barely imagine how surprised she’ll be—it’s not an expression she shows much—baffled by how Jaehwan was able to win somebody like him over. Another smile sneaks its way onto his face. Maybe he was wrong. The thought of knowing how proud his family will be in the end is what brings the biggest smile to his face. He’ll show them.

He crosses the street as he approaches his usual bus stop and sees the tail end of the bus go around the corner. Just his luck. He curses his fate and throws his body down on the concrete stairs in a childlike tantrum. If only his mother didn’t make him stop in his tracks.

However, it’s not like he’s in a rush to get home. All he’ll do is flop on his bed for a too-long nap only to study as time encroaches on midnight.

He opens his phone, scrolling through his Instagram to pass time. He scrolls through the Instagram boutiques and luxury brands that he can’t afford, but he could never get over how obnoxious every print and pattern is and how he’ll buy it all one day.

He’s already lost on his explore feed when he nearly doubles over from something bumping into his back. He lashes around, scowl already plastered on his face, then notices the towering figure that is Sanghyuk looming over him.

“So scary,” Jaehwan mutters to himself as Sanghyuk takes a step down the stairs to sit beside him.

“What are you doing here all on your lonesome?” Sanghyuk, putting on the voice of somebody straight out of “The Great Gatsby”.

“Waiting for the bus, genius,” Jaehwan teases.

“Wow, I really appreciate that,” Sanghyuk chuckles, knocking his knee into Jaehwan’s.

“Hey,” Jaehwan perks up, grabbing onto the same knee, “I’m actually glad you’re here. I need to get my mind off something.”

“Get your mind off what?”

“If I tell you, that kinda defeats the purpose of getting my mind off of it now does it?”

“Touché. As you were saying,” Sanghyuk gestures with a wave of his hand for Jaewhan to continue.

“So…” Jaehwan starts, feet tapping against the bottom stair as he feels himself getting giddier and giddier. “Me and Hongbin, Hongbin and I, we…”

“Fucked?”

“Way to tell my story for me.”

“You were taking too long.”

“How did you even know?”

“Jae, I’m his neighbor and the walls are thin. Also, you scream when you come.”

“Hey!” Jaehwan shouts as Sanghyuk sputters out laughter. “I just like letting the person know they did a good job, okay?”

Sanghyuk’s laugh continues and Jaehwan butts his head in Sanghyuk’s shoulder. “I’m guessing you had fun then,” Sanghyuk says, his lips still quirked up.

“As much fun as humanly possible,” Jaehwan comments as he turns in his position, leaning against Sanghyuk’s shoulder now. “Hyuk?”

“Yes?”

“He’s truly the one.”

“Is he now?”

“Yes,” Jaehwan says dreamily as he nods his head. “The way he looked at me and touched me.” Jaehwan ghosts his fingers over his arm, skin burning at the memory of Hongbin’s fingers. “Sorry, I don’t think you want to hear about this.”

“I want to hear about whatever makes you happy,” Sanghyuk assures him.

Jaehwan peers up at Sanghyuk and catches his warm brown eyes, like two mugs of hot chocolate on a chilly day, looking back down at him. “You’re a really good friend, Hyuk,” he interjects. Sanghyuk doesn’t respond at all, he just sits there patting the hair on the back of Jaehwan’s head, he sends waves of serenity throughout Jaehwan’s body. For a second, Jaehwan’s mind goes blank. Free of thought from Hongbin for once and from the conversation with his mother. Just what he needed.

He pulls his eyes down from those hypnotizing orbs, breaking the trance, and allowing everything back into his mind. Specifically, his one and only and everything he ever thought about him.

“He…he just really makes me happy,” Jaehwan continues as if a moment of silence didn’t just pass between the two. “Honestly, I need to talk about it, because if I don’t, it feels like a dream. Especially since it was starting to feel like…he wouldn’t want me?”

“If he didn’t, that would be on him,” Sanghyuk says, eyebrows knitting together, “He, and any guy ever, would be stupid to not want you. Why wouldn’t he want you?”

“Your sentiment is nice and appreciated, but not true. There’s a lot of reasons why he wouldn’t want me,” Jaehwan whispers more or less to himself. “But it doesn’t matter anymore ‘cause he does. And…and maybe we’ll finally get to go on our first date and—”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Sanghyuk blurts out as he straightens up, knocking Jaehwan off his shoulder. “Are you telling me that you two haven’t gone on a date yet?”

“…Yes.”

“That’s…that’s fucking…that’s ludicrous.”

“What, why?” Jaehwan asks, stunned from Sanghyuk’s outburst.

“Jae! When I first met you, you claimed you loved the man and that was like two months ago! With the way you cling on to him and talk about him, I could’ve sworn he must’ve taken you out a few times.”

“I don’t need to go on a date with somebody to know I love them, Sanghyuk,” Jaehwan states firmly.

“Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be taken out and treated. It’s like he doesn’t even know how lucky he is to have the option to take you out.”

“Hongbin’s a busy guy, he’ll do it when he gets the chance. I’m lucky enough that he spends his free time with me.”

“He’s only free at 1 am?”

“Or sometimes 11 pm.”

“Uh-huh,” Sanghyuk utters, staring down at Jaehwan. Sanghyuk’s tone stings, like Jaehwan just bit into a fresh lemon.

“What? You don’t believe me?”

“Of course, I believe you,” Sanghyuk says, waving it off, “It’s just that it’s preposterous that he hasn’t taken you out _once_. You don’t think that’s even a little ridiculous?”

Jaehwan’s gaze falls to the concrete stairs. It’s not like he hasn’t thought about Hongbin planning some surprise date for him, one that would last all day and leave him on his toes, or even taking him out for a simple movie and dinner. And after asking to spend more time with him last night, Jaehwan doesn’t think he could bring himself to even ask about going on a date. “I mean…”

“I’ll tell you what. In place of what Hongbin should’ve done ages ago, how about I treat you to dinner today?”

“What?” Jaehwan exclaims, purely looking at Sanghyuk with puzzlement compared to Sanghyuk’s glimmering eyes.

“Don’t think it’s anything romantic. I just believe somebody like you deserves to be treated. Think of it like…a friend date.”

Jaehwan shakes his head, still baffled with the idea that Sanghyuk has suddenly brought to him. “I’ve never heard of a friend date.”

“Yeah that’s because I just made it up. But what do you think?” The apprehension is clearly plastered all over Sanghyuk’s face as he waits for an answer.

Out of the corner of Jaehwan’s eye, he sees the bus pulling up to the stop and people lining up to get on. Sanghyuk raises his brow at him, and his mind races for answers. His mouth opens, ready to say anything as the bus swings its doors open.

“I-” Jaehwan utters and turns his attention back to Sanghyuk who’s waiting like a puppy at his feet. “Just friends?” Jaehwan asks.

“Just friends. I swear,” Sanghyuk reiterates.

“Pick me up at 6 then,” Jaehwan pushes the backpack straps up his shoulders, making sure they’re secure before he jogs off to get to the bus in time.

“Y-You got it!” Sanghyuk calls at his back.

Jaehwan steps into the bus, holding onto a pole since all the seats are gone already. Through the window, he can see Sanghyuk’s beaming smile just before he turns around. Jaehwan knows better, that it’s not the ‘friendliest’ smile, but he doesn’t regret saying yes one bit. In fact, he catches himself looking forward to it the more the bus drives off.

* * *

Electricity burns through Sanghyuk as he pulls up to Jaehwan’s gate. He watches as the driver in front of him uses a key card, opening the gate to Jaehwan’s apartment. His hands get sweatier and sweatier the closer he gets to the number Jaehwan texted him.

J _ust a friend date. It’s just_ technically _two friends hanging out. And that’s all this is._ He tells it to himself over and over again. The words string along in his mind as if he pressed play on a tape recorder. So why the hell is he nervous? There isn’t a need to be nervous. This isn’t so different from them playing games on his bed or eating at the school’s market. And yet the anxiety within him grows and burns as he pulls up to Jaehwan’s complex. As he gets out of the car, steadying his nerves, the number to the complex burns it’s imprint into Sanghyuk’s brain.

He climbs the stairs, approaching the brown front door until he brings himself to give a couple of heavy knocks. There’s a moment before the door eventually swings open revealing Jaehwan. No different from any other time they’ve hung out. If anything, his hair is even more loose and shaggy than normal. And it brings the cheesiest smile to Sanghyuk’s face before he can catch him. It’s so cheesy it makes Jaehwan chuckle at the sight.

“Hey,” Sanghyuk greets, “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

The smell of chilis, tortillas, and seasoned beef is deeply saturated in the fabric of their clothes by the time the cashier calls out their order. Sanghyuk goes to pick up their tray, covered with enough plates to probably feed four people. Sanghyuk is a big boy though, so perhaps just three. All for the price of dining out in a big franchise restaurant by himself.

As he brings the tray back to their table, he wonders what the hell was he so nervous for. He told himself there was no reason to be nervous. Jaehwan beams up at him—or more than likely the food—and it puts Sanghyuk’s mind at ease. Just like when they’re sharing shrimp crackers on his bed because it’s the only Korean snack from their childhood the grocery store carries in this bumfuck college town. He drops a dollop of sour cream on their plates and grabs little cups of salsas of different heats before making it back to their table.

“You did good,” Jaehwan grins, feet tip-tapping against the wood floor as Sanghyuk takes their plates off the tray and places them on the table.

“Did I now?”

“Yup,” Jaehwan hums and takes the tiniest sip from his still full frozen margarita glass.

Even under the one light fixture hanging just above their table, barely emitting any light in the dim atmosphere, Sanghyuk can still spot the glimmer in Jaehwan’s eye—still probably at the food. It warms him up all the same. Despite the fuzzy feeling, that doesn’t revert it from being any more than just a ‘friend date’ to Sanghyuk. He didn’t lie about that or want to give another impression to Jaehwan. He appreciates the growing friendship between them, even if he would die to have something more. If Jaehwan gave him the order to light the entire restaurant on fire that second, he would do it in a heartbeat. But, no matter how he feels on the inside, he respects Jaehwan’s feelings too. Even if it means putting up with the way Jaehwan lets himself get treated. It’s just not his place.

After returning the tray to where it belongs, he sits back down in his chair, picking up his fork to start making a dent in the food in front of him.

“You really know the way to my heart, don’t you?” Jaehwan quips, bringing a nacho chip to his mouth.

Sanghyuk nearly chokes around his forkful of rice but he forces himself to swallow it down. “Isn’t it basically,” Sanghyuk starts when he’s no longer in danger and holds up his hand as he begins counting off, “food, sex, weed, and then more food?”

“You get somebody to buy a blunt for you once and you get typecast,” Jaehwan lets out the cutest humph and takes another sip. Never mind the fact that Sanghyuk would spend his whole savings on him.

Sanghyuk quirks an eyebrow, “You didn’t say I was wrong though.” Jaehwan’s face scrunches up as he sticks his tongue out at him as a rebuttal.

“That’s how you’re going to treat the guy who’s getting you free food? You know, I can leave right now…” Sanghyuk says as he slowly raises out of his chair, pretending not to care about the two plates he already paid for.

“No!” Jaehwan calls out as if Sanghyuk was really going to leave him there alone. He slouches back into his chair with a pout, poking his burrito with his fork. “Why do you always tease me like this?” he whines, squeezing at Sanghyuk’s heartstrings.

“It’s because that’s how you react and it’s too cute,” Sanghyuk admits easily.

“Eh, no no, none of that,” Jaehwan interjects, pointing his finger at Sanghyuk.

“What? What did I do?”

“You called me cute.”

“I can’t call you cute?”

“No, you can’t. It’s too…flirty. And this is a friend date.” Sanghyuk purses his lips, hoping he didn’t make Jaehwan too uncomfortable. His brow furrows as he stares Sanghyuk down but he’s also still eating his burrito.

“I swear to you, Jae, I’m not flirting with you,” Sanghyuk says as sincerely as he can since it’s true anyways. This is how their banter normally goes. “Plus, you’re the one talking about your heart so who’s really being flirty.”

“Still, it’s too close.” Jaehwan gets quiet for a moment and Sanghyuk can do nothing but watch him. The only time Jaehwan is quiet he’s either thinking or scheming. “I have an idea.”

“An idea?”

“Uh-huh. A safeword! We can have a safe word, for when we get too…close. If we’re doing this ‘date’ thing then I think it’s especially necessary now.”

“For when we get too close?”

“Can you not hear what I’m saying? I just think that, even though we’re friends, right—” Sanghyuk answers, agreeing with him—“that there’s obviously a lot of attraction between us, because you’re hot and I’m pretty and for fucksake’s we had sex,” Jaehwan gets out with laughter. “And even though I like flirting, I’m trying to change, because things with me and- him are changing and I don’t want our friendship to get awkward because if things get awkward, I’m gonna be sad. So, from here on out I think a safe word is the best thing for us.”

“Okay…” Sanghyuk says, trying to wrap his mind around everything Jaehwan just spewed at him. “So basically…when one of us feels like the other is flirting—”

“Or is being super attractive.”

“—Or is being ‘super attractive’, we say a safe word to break the tension, is what I’m getting?”

“Exactly.”

“Alright, I guess that sounds good to me. What is our safe word then?”

“Something completely opposite to the spectrum of turn-ons.”

Sanghyuk picks up a wing, biting into it slowly as the situation still gradually melts into his brain. He’s trying not to get stuck on the fact that Jaehwan admitted the attraction between them or that Jaehwan called him fucking _hot_ to his face. It makes Sanghyuk feel a little bit like he wasn’t alone in conscious decisions to stay casual. However, lust is something different and he’s sure that’s all it is on Jaehwan’s side. He’ll settle for this as some sort of reciprocation even though there’s nothing he can do with that knowledge, especially with the implementation of a safe word.

“What about…squash?” Jaehwan speaks up.

“Squash?”

“Squash.”

“Nope, no can do.”

“What!”

“That’s such a kinky word. Just the way it sounds, and have you ever seen one before?”

“What the actual fuck is kinky about a squash?”

“I don’t need to explain it to you. The moment you see a squash, you’ll just know and no there’s no way that can be a safe word. Even just thinking about it makes me feel—”

“Okay, no squash!” Jaehwan shouts.

“No foods. Period.”

“Okay how about, guillotine?”

“That went violent very quickly,” Sanghyuk mutters.

“Just imagine sticking your dick—”

“You do _not_ need to finish that sentence.”

“Guillotine it is.” Jaehwan smiles from his victory of choosing the winning word and goes back to sipping on his margarita.

Sanghyuk wishes he could say just one more thing before the deal closes. That he could tell Jaehwan how blinding his smile is, that seeing him is the only thing he hopes for in the morning, that his lame-ass dormmate doesn’t deserve him. It’s not his place, though.

He swallows the words down with his food, washes it away with his own melted margarita. He’s lucky enough to be sitting in front of him.

“You know,” Jaehwan says, thankfully bringing Sanghyuk out of his thoughts, “I feel like we’re always talking about me and my relationship, but you never talk about you.”

“What do you want me to talk about?”

“I don’t know, I’m kind of curious about what sort of relationships you had in high school. Sometimes I look at you and think you were a summer romance type of guy.”

Sanghyuk laughs at this. “I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. But I didn’t have a relationship in high school.”

“Not one?!”

“I don’t see how that’s hard for you to believe considering how we met, remember?” Sanghyuk claims with a raise of his eyebrows. He takes a napkin to his lips, wiping off a smidge of sour cream.

“That doesn’t mean anything. I was a virgin too and I’ve had plenty of relationships. Three…actually...and the last one lasted a month.” Jaehwan shuts his mouth tightly, his plump lips forming a thin line.

“Yeah, but I was not focused on dating at all in high school. I had one crush, but I was too scared to say anything,” Sanghyuk admits. His shoulders hit the back of the wooden chair as his own past dawns on him.

“Why?”

“He was one of my friends.”

“Oh…” Jaehwan utters, sinking once again, “Well, maybe he liked you too? You wouldn’t know if you don’t say anything.”

“If he liked me, he could’ve told me himself. Besides, a crush isn’t worth possibly ruining a good friendship.”

“You sound like such a sad teenager,” Jaehwan whines, still pouting in his seat.

“I didn’t need to be in a relationship to be happy in high school, excuse you,” Sanghyuk chuckles. The sound of his own laughter rings in his ears, distracting him from the realization of his own cyclical nature. A different city, a different school, a different guy, and yet he has the same problem. It must be his curse.

“Hey, you know what makes me happy?” Jaehwan says. The volume of his voice rises a bit, not quite to its usual chirpiness when he’s actually happy, but Sanghyuk can tell he’s trying to change the conversation and he’s glad for it.

“Tell me.”

“These wings,” Jaehwan hums as he steals a wing from Sanghyuk’s plate.

“Hey! I asked you if you wanted to split wings and you said you wanted nachos.”

“Yeah, but your wings looked better than I thought.”

“You’re lucky you’re…my friend,” Sanghyuk finishes after catching himself.

“You know what else makes me happy?”

“I’m listening,” Sanghyuk answers, eyes narrowed on Jaehwan and his sneaky little hands.

“This song!” That recognizable buoyancy returns to Jaehwan’s spirit. “They played this song at all of our school dances. But I never knew the name.”

“Really? The only Spanish song they played at our school was Gasolina,” Sanghyuk replies.

Jaehwan waves him off as his head begins to sway side to side. “Tch, this is better than Gasolina. This song just makes you want to grab somebody’s hand and pull them to the middle of the floor, whether you knew how to dance properly or not. A girl called Jesenia told me it was called Bachata I think?”

“Did you know how to dance?”

“Nope.” Sanghyuk laughs. “But it doesn’t matter.” Jaehwan bites at his lip and looks around the restaurant. Sanghyuk opens his mouth, about to ask him what’s wrong until Jaehwan speaks up again.

“Dance with me.”

Sanghyuk pauses mid-bite, looking up at Jaehwan in utter dumbfounds. “What? Right here?”

His taco still hasn’t touched his plate yet as Jaehwan stretches his hand out towards him. “Yes, where else. Hurry, take my hand before the song ends,” He looks so expectant, filled with glee, as he shakes his hand to urge Sanghyuk.

Sanghyuk takes his hand, not sure what else there is for him to actually do at this moment and Jaehwan practically yanks him out of his chair. They don’t exchange any words because Jaehwan’s hands do all the talking for them. He holds Sanghyuk’s hand up as he places his other on Sanghyuk’s shoulder, instantly pulling them closer. Instinctively, Sanghyuk holds Jaehwan’s back, but he’s conscious not to put his hand too low. Jaehwan’s hips and feet pull them in one direction and then another and Sanghyuk can’t help but follow—even though he’s sure he’s in the position to lead from his limited dance knowledge. It takes a couple of steps to follow the rhythm that Jaehwan set up, but he eventually gets into a groove on his own.

There’s no question for how ridiculous and odd they must look. A quick glance to the side and he spots a mom clapping her hands to the beat. He just can’t decipher if it’s to possibly to cheer them on or so they’re not entirely by themselves. Thankfully, Jaehwan’s voice brings his attention back to the two of them, feet stepping in sync on the terracotta tile, as he whispers in his ear.

“I know it’s silly, but I just really wanted to dance,” he admits, voice entirely soft and innocent like a baby angel.

“It’s not silly,” Sanghyuk assures him. “It’s just a shame that you have to have me as a dance partner.”

He can feel Jaehwan’s breath against his neck as he laughs and Sanghyuk could scream.

_Guillotine. Guillotine. Guillotine._

When Jaehwan pulls back, Sanghyuk feels like he can breathe again. Jaehwan’s hands slip down to Sanghyuk’s, keeping them at a distance, allowing Sanghyuk to see just how Jaehwan’s body moves. Sanghyuk knows Jaehwan is prone to overthinking when it comes to dancing, he always does it when they go to parties, but the second he frees his mind, his body becomes so fluid. He always fits so perfectly in Sanghyuk’s hands, feathery and flowing when he dances. Sanghyuk tells him so but he just can’t see it, and Sanghyuk would tell him over and over again.

“Spin me.”

Sanghyuk grants his wish, spinning him in place with his fingertips just as the song ends. Jaehwan looks up at him with glowing crescent-shaped eyes and a big matching smile, as if he was the moon lighting up his night sky. Despite every urge and every nerve twitching in his body, Sanghyuk refrains the urge to pull him into an embrace.

“That was…way more fun than I thought it would be,” Jaehwan says with an awkward and lopsided smile.

“Yeah, it really was.” Sanghyuk looks around the restaurant, wondering if anybody is still paying them any mind and spots a couple dancing to the next song. “Look at that, you’re a trailblazer.”

“Shut up,” Jaehwan quips and lightly shoves Sanghyuk. “…You know, I’m kinda…”

“Hmm?”

Jaehwan’s eyes trail down, focusing on their hands as if he forgot they were still holding each other. Instead of pulling them apart as Sanghyuk anticipates, he swings them, chasing the fast beat of the song currently playing. “I’m in a mood now. I want to be out, drink some sweet wine, either chill somewhere or destroy something, I can’t choose between the two.”

It’s about all Sanghyuk ever wanted. Even before he ever met Jaehwan, something somewhere deep in the abyss of his dreams knew he’d be living just for this moment. To be at Jaehwan’s mercy, follow his lead, and clean up after his mess. So, all Jaehwan needed to do was say the word, and once again, Sanghyuk’s at his command.

The clear bottle, covered in green wrapping, lays flat against Jaehwan’s palm as he spins it in his hand. With the simple flash of Jaehwan’s fake ID, they were able to score once again for the night. Sanghyuk just might have to take up Jaehwan’s offer to get his own. He can only stand so much more of having to go out to a cramped party to get some booze. Sometimes he just wants to drink beer back at his dorm while playing his games or watching tv, or chilling with Jaehwan.

They get in his sedan, Jaehwan still admiring the bottle of moscato as Sanghyuk starts the engine. “So where do we chug this bad boy down?” Jaehwan speaks up and finally slips the bottle back into its brown paper bag.

“I was thinking we would go back to our spot,” Sanghyuk answers.

“What’s our spot?”

“The rooftop.”

“That’s supposed to be our spot?”

Sanghyuk’s mouth drops agape. Jaw completely pulled down by gravity, suspended from his stupor. He sits there in the driver seat, unable to answer Jaehwan for once and he doesn’t enjoy the feeling of being completely flabbergasted by Jaehwan’s blunt words. “I-I don’t see why not,” Sanghyuk starts, not recognizing his own stutter, “Considering it’s where we took each other’s v-card. I mean, that alone should make it special enough to be our spot.”

“I don’t know if it was that special,” Jaehwan retorts, turning to look dead at Sanghyuk. The only thing that keeps Sanghyuk’s heart from dropping out of his chest as well is the little curl of Jaehwan’s lips.

“Ow, I’m insulted. Offended, actually,” Sanghyuk quips, falling into the banter that he’s used to.

Jaehwan clicks his tongue. “Oh you know I’m kidding,” he says, giving up on their little game, the corners of his lips back to their default on his face. And Sanghyuk feels it. An atmospheric shift in the car. Similar to the same air that was weighing down on Jaehwan when Sanghyuk saw him sitting on the stairs.

What bears its weight on Jaehwan’s shoulders, Sanghyuk tries to lift it off, like the distraction he knows he can be. “Do I though?” he continues, “How can I possibly know when you’re saying such things.”

“But why go to the roof when we can have new spots,” Jaehwan asks, though it's rhetorical, and Sanghyuk smiles nevertheless that Jaehwan picked up after him. “We could have a collection of spots.”

“Well, where would a new spot be, then?” Sanghyuk asks, pulling out of their parking spot to get the ball rolling already.

“I don’t know, but that’s the beauty of it. Our new spot could be anywhere,” Jaehwan says, looking up at Sanghyuk again but with the glimmer back in his eyes.

“You know what,” Sanghyuk states, driving onto the street and mapping out the plan in his head, “I think I know a place.”

The two leave the sedan in Sanghyuk’s dormitory parking lot, and Sanghyuk leads them down a path across the huge campus. He’s only passed by the place he wants to take Jaehwan perhaps two times at the most, and right now he’s hoping that he’s on the right path.

Jaehwan complains a little about how far they’re going. Sanghyuk decides against his best interest to offer Jaehwan his back. Instead, he reaffirms to Jaehwan that they’re close though he truly has no idea.

It’s not until he sees the shape of the giant building emerging in the darkness of the night that he knows his instinct was truly leading him in the right place. The highly decorative crown molding lining each floor on the five-story building. Flashy ass pediments framing each window and a frieze on the façade of the large red brick building just to top it off. He could never forget the look of this building compared with the others on campus.

“Where are you taking me, what is this place?” Jaehwan asks, gawking up at the building as if it's asking him to bow before its glory. “I’ve never been on this side of the campus before.”

“Feast your eyes on the business department quad,” Sanghyuk says, gesturing to the field in front of them. There are sidewalks leading to all the entrances that meet up at a giant fountain that could be from a museum in Paris. Lining the sidewalk paths are benches or public art pieces that are just convenient enough for people to sit on. If you don’t mind your hair possibly getting tangled in all the spirals and curls of metal. And yet, Sanghyuk has to bang on the wall of his dorm when the ceiling light begins to flicker.

“W-What? This is the business building? Why the hell does the stupid business department get this giant-ass field with this giant ass statue and fountains and shit?” Jaehwan whines, voicing the same exact thoughts Sanghyuk had when he first walked by here.

“I know right? Fuck the business department.”

“Yeah! _Fuck you, business department_!”

Sanghyuk’s head snaps over to Jaehwan who just let out a scream shrill enough to possibly disturb every family of birds slumbering in the trees. Not quite what he expected. A loud shout, sure. Not something so guttural and raw about a building. All Sanghyuk can do is pat Jaehwan on the back.

“That felt good. Let’s drink this now.”

“After you,” Sanghyuk says, sitting down on a random spot in the grass. Jaehwan follows suit, using all his strength to twist the foil seal. Eventually, he gets if off, unscrews the cap and starts chugging. Sanghyuk watches as his Adam’s apple bobs, gradually growing more concerned that Jaehwan is going to fucking down half the thing in one swig. However, Jaehwan pushes the bottle in his direction when he’s done, and the wine is not that far down the neck.

Sanghyuk takes his time sipping the wine. Not because he knows better, but because it seems like Jaehwan needs it more than him. It’s obvious that something is bothering Jaehwan, it’s part of the reason why he wanted to take him out as friends. But, Sanghyuk doesn’t actually know how to get it out of Jaehwan, if it’s better to get it out and in the open.

So, he keeps his mouth shut. And they sit there, passing the bottle back and forth between them in silence. There’s no indication of time there in the glow of the streetlamps. Not a single person passes through. They’re in their personal bower, cushioned by the grass and the rush of water in the background, their encompassing vines of flowers and leaves and giant overcompensating building instead. Even the chilly breeze isn’t able to touch them.

“One thing I like about being here—” Jaehwan suddenly speaks up—“Is the stars. You know in the city they’re hidden. I don’t remember the last time I saw more than a handful of stars in the sky at home. But here, they’re just everywhere. And they’re bright. Shining on full display, undisturbed. Isn’t it pretty?”

“It’s very pretty,” Sanghyuk replies, lying down next to Jaehwan to match his view of the night sky.

“I want to be like that someday. Nothing holding me back, glowing in darkness, just like the other stars.”

“You want to be a star?” Sanghyuk asks and looks at the side of his face instead of the sky now.

Jaehwan gently shakes his head. “ _Like_ a star; there’s a difference. It’s weird, I know.”

“It’s not weird. It’s definitely the most unique goal I’ve heard, but you’re also one of the most unique people I’ve ever met so the two go hand in hand.”

“Mmm, you’re doing it again,” Jaehwan says, voice dragging out as he turns his head to meet Sanghyuk’s gaze.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Do you really not know?”

“I honestly don’t know anything you’re talking about,” Sanghyuk answers. Jaehwan goes quiet, goes back to looking at the stars. Sanghyuk lets him be.

Moments pass between them, and Sanghyuk’s more unsure about what’s going on than before. There’s a second when Sanghyuk isn’t sure whether Jaehwan’s fallen asleep, but then he reaches for the moscato again as he sits up. He thinks about calling it night, calling Jaehwan an Uber because there’s no way he can drive again, no matter how many other cars are on the street.

Sanghyuk opens his mouth, about to call it a night but Jaehwan beats him to it as he stands up.

“There’s something I’ve been thinking about…but I never really brought it up, because I didn’t think it was necessary. But now I’m not so sure.”

“Just go ahead and tell me,” Sanghyuk says. His mind is ever so slowly growing hazy, but the fog is there, so he doesn’t know how much of a good listener he may be for Jaehwan.

“Why are you so obsessed with Hongbin?”

And like that, the moment stops. For all Sanghyuk knows, the clouds have stopped orbiting the sky and the air has stopped circulating the earth. The air has most certainly left his lungs.

Jaehwan’s eyes are so docile and sincere as they stare down at him.

“It’s just that, you have so many opinions about my relationship, and him, but you’ve never even seen us together. But the one thing that really gets to me, is when you say he doesn’t feel lucky to be with me? According to you, any guy would feel lucky enough, so why not him?”

“Jaehwan I-”

“Do you say these things because you’re jealous?”

“No!” Yes. “No, Jaehwan, no. I’m your friend, I’m not jealous. That’s not-that's not why I say that at all,” he scrambles to his feet, peering straight into those earnest eyes and the hurt that’s buried in his black irises.

“So why do you?”

“Because I don’t want to see you get pushed around. I know what it looks like when a guy likes somebody: He makes time for them, he goes out of his way to make them happy, he shows them how much he cares for them. Does Hongbin do those things?” He approaches Jaehwan, slowly, carefully, not sure how close is too close but he halts once Jaehwan teeters back on the ball of his foot. “You’re my friend, Jaehwan, and as my friend, I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Hurt? Why would I get hurt? Because-because you think he doesn’t like me? This is exactly what I mean. You think this and you think that, but you don’t _know_ anything about my relationship, Sanghyuk. You can’t fit us into a mold of what you think a good relationship is. He tries in his own way and I try in my way, and that’s how it is until we’re able to put a label on it, or whatever will make you happy.”

“God!” Jaehwan shouts, clutching the neck of the empty wine bottle. “I don’t know who’s worst, you or my fucking-mother,” Jaehwan grits between his teeth. His ears burn red, his knuckles go white and in a flash, the bottle crashes into the fountain, gone from Jaehwan’s hand. There wasn’t even a second for Sanghyuk to flinch from the glass shattering in all directions.

Time seems as frozen as Sanghyuk’s body. It’s impossible to form any coherent thought. All he can do is feel. He feels the pure frustration radiating from Jaehwan’s body. He feels his chest stutter from trying to breathe through the pain. The pain from Jaehwan’s words, the pain from his heart shattering to pieces like the wine bottle, and the pain that he hurt the one who is supposed to be his _friend_. He still stands there, confused and unsure of what to do, until Jaehwan speaks up again, agitation tainting his voice.

“I want to go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE KIDS***
> 
> Beta'd by @clymnestrasrevenge
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed! Don't forget to comment and smash that kudos button  
> Catch me at @taekwoncheeks where I rarely tweet but may update about Blooming every now and then

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by @clymnestrasrevenge
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed! Don't forget to comments and kudos  
> And I always need more people to talk to me on my twitter @taekwoncheeks and sometimes I tweet about the progress


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